Background checks on dating sites is only a short term solution.. it does help, but isn't a cure all.. it has its disadvantages.. i don't presume to know the answer, but i just wanted to point this out.. thanks.. Charlie Davidson (http://www.dontbeavictim.org) on Aug 16 2009, 09:08pm Reply
Um, look, pal, I married my girlfriend. You ARA people need to get a life! But, hey, if it keeps my name alive, say I shot my wife...
For anyone interested in the general topic of online dating, there is a new URL that describes a great new safety tool for those who make use (or who are contemplating such) of any of
the online dating sites, of which there must now be thousands available on the Internet. Only a few of the most major such sites offer any type of psychological testing and/or
background informational searches to be accomplished on the users of the sites. Compatibility testing and matching really does not help filter out those who are attempting to make
use of the sites based upon scamming, criminal, or otherwise harmful motivations. Reviews of the only couple sites that offer users some degree of criminal background history
checking and unfortunately these checks have been reviewed as being too limited in scope; generally only limited to the police records in a single State or else useless as the focused
upon individual is making use of an alias or pseudo name in his/her communications with the site.
Just very recently, a new approach has been developed that addresses this very problem. A psychologist who has an extraordinary background in psychological test development, as
well as in security related integrity or honesty testing has developed this new tool. This psychologist has developed a rather short/quick psychological test, based upon well-established
and sound psychological test construction logic, that is designed to assess almost a dozen problem areas that are highly associated with personal integrity/honesty. This 72-item,
multiple-choice test, the Personal Security Standards Psychological Questionnaire (PSSPQ), has recently gone through a rather thorough testing when used to screen or otherwise
evaluate the general integrity of persons who were attempting to contact potential 'dates'; through the services offered by online dating sites. The PSSPQ has recently been made
commercially available to users of online dating sites. An extremely complete (and quite lengthy) description of the PSSPQ when used in the online dating arena for individual
evaluation purposes is available on: http://www.home.earthlink.net/~lastone2/psspqdatingtest.htm . On this PSSPQ website, many helpful links are provided that greatly aid a reader in
understanding and evaluating the PSSPQ, its development, and its developer, as well as the many dangers that face anyone making use of the online dating sites.
Hi!
Do you know about new website LiveDateSearch.com? It's a new dating website where you can chat live with other users
and they can rate your profile and then you can see who likes you.
Create your own profile and you will know how popular you are
http://livedatesearch.com/
I tend to wonder if we shouldn't all just stay packed in our homes untill destruction happens Anonomous (http://sodkf.com) on May 21 2006, 08:20pm Reply
I spent some time formulating a reply to the point about why ANY charge is made for whois privacy when the CEO and Founder of the company chooses the FIRST recommendation he makes in this blog entry. I cited good examples of why Bob should consider spreading the cost across all registrations and making it a selling point - wouldn't GoDaddy be the first and only registrar to offer this as a free bonus? I could go further and point out that for years now Bob has sent me emails telling me how he won't forget me because without me he wouldn't have this successful business. But....
I put a website online for less than $20 per annum. Total - that includes registration through GoDaddy AND hosting through another hosting provider. Of course, I do all the technical stuff myself. GoDaddy didn't bother to mention that the price of privacy had dropped to $1.95 - I found that out when researching for my response to this blog entry. But 10% extra for privacy? I even suggested that Bob lobby for a change in ICANN rules to allow "non-business" website domain names to have only the contact email addresses available to the public - they can easily be changed if you own your own domain name because you have unlimited addresses. But if you are going to give privacy away free to NEW customers (anyone registering or transferring 3 domain names gets free privacy - that means companies will be more likely to get it than individuals) but NOT to the customers he promised he wouldn't forget - they have to pay.
Etc etc etc.
So how come my post hasn't yet appeared and neither have I got an email telling me it was rejected by the moderator? Of COURSE I didn't keep a copy of the text which took so long to prepare - heck, this is the blog of GoDaddy CEO and Founder - they wouldn't lose my post would they?
Or for "moderation" do I read "censorship for business purposes"? I don't think so.....
I met my boyfriend online and we're getting engaged this weekend. I've also met people (men and women) online just as friends. I've been extremely lucky that not a single person I've met online thus far has been in any way detrimental to my health. I certainly hope that others will follow just a few simple rules: Meet at and stay in public places. Don't take the same car anywhere. Tell someone you know and trust where you are going and with whom, then tell the person you are meeting that your friend is armed with his and your information. If possible, get the person you are meeting's telephone number and call them at that number to ensure that it is a working number, and give that friend that number as well as your own. Jamie on Feb 14 2006, 07:59pm Reply
its a lie that taylor behl met ben fawley online. the truth is that she met him through mutual friends and they merely commented on each others websites (blogs) lurgis (http://www.wesawthat.blogspot.com/) on Jan 5 2006, 05:40pm Reply
Huh? An internet guru who makes websites that allow meeting over the net is a technophobe? "and it becomes obvious that the internet is absolutely the last place you want to use to make friends."
I strongly disagree. The net is just another means of communication. The internet is like the telephone was 100 years ago, or cell phones 10 years ago, or newspapers 200 years ago. It can be used for good or bad. What percentage of people that meet over the net have bad experiences? one tenth of one percent? No one has the stats.
Evil people meet in bars, clubs, schools, through friends, newspaper ads and in a 1000 other ways then the Web.
This article is scaremongering and is not backed up with logic or reason or evidence. james on Jan 4 2006, 05:44pm Reply
Trully the safest place is a place of worship where people generally are looking beyond themselves to the creator. A Christian Church should be the safest, but even in churches loosers who are there for themselves can be found. Non the less a church will still be safer than the internet or a bar. Michael on Dec 6 2005, 11:11am Reply
Sure, no catholic priests are pedophiles. no mormons are polygomous. no religious folks are criminals. grow up! james on Jan 4 2006, 05:56pm Reply
Michael, I agree with you completely. That is why I have joined a internet dating service called Christiancafe.com. There are still some strange people on there, I'm sure. But at least you can get a feel for what their spiritual views are. That makes all the difference. Ann on Jan 2 2006, 09:53pm Reply
You don't have to even meet someone in person to have problems.
Some users of the internet dating sites have been defrauded by persons they were corresponding with.
For example, they have been asked to cash a money order and provide the sender with merchandise and/or a portion of the funds from the money order.
However, the money orders turn out to be altered, or forged.
The fakes are often good enough that they are accepted by U.S. banks, so they aren’t detected until they reach the institution that supposedly issued them.
This has even occurred with U.S. Postal money orders, which are probably the most secure available.
For an example, see http://www.usps.com/postalinspectors/mofeatur.htm
Or search on "fraud dating site money order" and check out the 1,000,000 other items in the search results.
I have been on many dating sites, and stumbled across Hot or Not, which is not actually a dating site but a photo rating site. I got a terribly low rating BTW. Anyhow, I flew a lovely American lass from Texas over here last week that I met on Hot or Not, and we've decided to marry in the 2nd week of June 2006. She was actually prettier than the 2 photos she sent me, and I feel very lucky being a bit of an ugly mutt myself, but I am what she's been looking for, and she is what I have been looking for. She's back in Texas now and I miss her terribly, but it just goes to show that it does work for some people, some times. I think the fact that both of us a committed followers of Jesus Christ sure plays a big part in our success. Shane on Nov 29 2005, 06:48pm Reply
What are the real numbers? How many meetings occur with out dire consequences compared against meetings that do? Is it really any worse than meeting thru any other means (bars, games, etc)? You are always exposed when alone with another individual, regardless of how you met. How many date rapes occur as a result of frat parties? Probably more than can be blamed on internet dating?
Without being paranoid, common sense, trust of ones own instincts and open eyes should prevail. BobL on Nov 29 2005, 12:05pm Reply
i have a myspace, and is true that one must take care to protect one's self. it is good you are making this known.
-
hb hb on Nov 21 2005, 08:41pm Reply
Hello Bob,
I thought this BBC News article may be of interest to you: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/4451606.stm
It discusses the fact that two online dating agencies (including match.com) have been accused of sending bogus emails to clients or using their own staff as 'date bait'.
I am doing a debate project and this is a very informing website for me because i am against internet dating. This site just goes to show what can happen when you trust someone that you've never physically met. Nicole on Nov 8 2005, 12:23pm Reply
Leave it to the first commenter to make me want to comment.
<sarcasm>So if you physically met someone then you could inherently trust them ? </sarcasm>
Trust is built and not something that should be given away to anyone freely , even after meeting them in person.
This doesn't pertain to online dating but I've conducted business over the internet for over 5 years and have only been scammed once. I trust several people that I've never met in person with financial information and very detailed pesonal information. You CAN develop a reputation online. You also can date safely. It just takes time. Trust doesn't happen overnight and details of your life shouldn't be given to anyone until this trust is built. . . in person or online. Adam on Nov 15 2005, 12:00am Reply
You can never be to careful and I find using an alias is a good way to talk to people on the internet. You dont know them.. dont let them know you! stephen hetherington (http://www.discountair.com) on Oct 29 2005, 12:56pm Reply
my god! that sounds real horrid! i went to myspace.com (b/c i have one too) and found taylor there...freaky! well, i knew that i had to be aware of the internet but this is making me freaked out more aware! ((shudder)) it's horrible what paedophiles and internet people wanna do to you =[ i'm not telling! (http://not saying!) on Oct 29 2005, 04:49am Reply
Wow, as much as I disagree with you on this issue, Bob, it really seems to have brought forth some scary folks from out of the woodwork, so to speak. Joseph A Nagy Jr (http://www.joseph-a-nagy-jr.us) on Oct 28 2005, 04:57pm Reply
I met my wife on the Internet and we've been together for over 6 years now. Honestly, I can't imagine a better way to meet as long as you use common sense and are safe about it.
I've been using chat rooms for about 10 years now and it's just as easy (if not easier) to tell if someone is lying to you online as it is in person. Just be smart people!
Well, what you are saying is just preposterous! You need to get a brain, people all over the world deal with this. This isn't new, get over it! The internet is not a safe place! Just use COMMON SENSE!! You concited men, need to re-evaluate your pathetic lives and get over the fact that so many people get this done to them again and again, nobody cares what you think (set aside the fact that i am bored, and thats the only reason i am writing) so please shut the h3ll up! O by the way STOP BLAMING THE DEMOCRATS!!! What happened to blaming the communists? (No offense to communism) Just stop blaming the Democrats you fat conservative PIG, so go hump a doorknob and have fun!
- Mr. Democrate (Its French!) Alijohn G (http://www.yahool.com) on Oct 28 2005, 07:42am Reply
Its sad that only the really sick and twisted experiences do make it to the news. This kind of thing continues to feed our FEAR society. There are more good than bad, I would say however; case in point: I met my husband on Match.com, we were so impressed with the venue that we reommended it highly, consequently, my sister met her husband online(e-harmony), my father met his new wife online (aol dating) and my husband's brother just got married last month...you guessed... it he met his wife online (e-harmony). As with any kind of situation where you're revealing personal information, you have to use discretion. When I was searching online, for example, I could weed out the "weirdo's" after a while it wasn't difficult to tell for me, but for the younger generation or even just less experienced...the weirdos seem to be able to pick them out with just as much ease. I say do be careful out there...but don't let the media add yet more fuel to an already anxious and fearful society about the internet....regards webby Catwooly on Oct 26 2005, 01:45pm Reply
Of course...why not blame it on the internet...just another reason for the communist state of Virginia to not investigate shit. Way to go commonwelth, you really showed these internet punks. William Chambers on Oct 24 2005, 07:02pm Reply
I BLAME THE DEMOCRATS WITHOUT THEM THE INTERNET WOULD BE A SAFE ENVIRONMENT, AND CHILD MOLESTERS LIKE BRIAN PEPPERS WILL BE IN JAIL! Larry Elder (http://wikipedia.com) on Oct 24 2005, 06:55pm Reply
EXCUSE ME?? Anonymous on Nov 21 2005, 08:45pm Reply
"I BLAME THE DEMOCRATS"
Gore did it, is that what you are saying. I blame Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, if they would of just became goat ranchers, none of this would even be to worry about.
Bob Parsons has helped with Dam good deals and service also,
shame on him.
Hey Everyone In WIT, How Are You Doing?
Sorry There is People Ruining the news article
In my Retort: Myspace is to blame, and so is any blogs, sure blogs are a fun thing, but most of them are just THEM talking about their own lives, the internet is just the New "Little Annoying Brother Who Reads Your Diaries"
i made a blog posting about how much anime sucks, and i got a few bots giving me links to their ".hack Fan Art" Sites, and this thing called "yaoi"...whatever it is, it creeps the Hell Out Of Me! Jordan Hass (http://livejournal.com/users/jordan_hass) on Oct 24 2005, 06:45pm Reply
jordan hass you are a princess. everyone knows. your famous. greta parkinsons is muh love.
<3 <3 <3 KC INSOMNIAC (http://myspaaaaaaaaace! OMFGOMFG) on Oct 28 2005, 08:26am Reply
Hey Where is my wheelchair? I LOVE COWS MOO! taylor hampson (http://Google.com) on Oct 24 2005, 08:21am Reply
Holy Crap, Someone From My School Must Hate Taylor, What Is The Deal?
Thats Not True, I met Tons of friends online, what kind of bullshit is that? I love my friends at gay.com I LOVE EVAN DURSTEIN! Josh Brown (http://gay.com) on Oct 24 2005, 08:17am Reply
People had the same concerns about the railroad in 19th century England. Instead of socializing mostly with people from the same town or village, whose histories and families were known to all, people were suddenly thrown together with strangers they knew nothing about, from all over the country — you could say you were just about anyone, and who could verify it? The biggest concern was imprudent marriages, but I imagine that there was also a crime-scare element similar to this one.
It always takes a while for behaviour to adjust to new technologies, and a Moral Panic is almost inevitable while that adjustment is happening. In the meantime, consider the value of anonymity to Internet users who live under repressive governments, who suddenly have a public voice for the first time. David on Oct 23 2005, 10:56am Reply
Furthermore, never be afraid to offend a stranger. Even those online!!! And parents - I saw someone who posted "zanga.com!" Do not post where your kids are posting their stuff. Teri (http://no) on Oct 23 2005, 03:34am Reply
Most comments have been valid. No matter what side you are on, the bottom line is that it is better to error on the side of caution. Don't give out so much information about yourself and be very cautious about everything and everybody. SC (http://www.scsource.com) on Oct 23 2005, 12:46am Reply
This is a very important topic and unfortunately these facts aren't nearly widespread enough. I've been an online persona since well before the internet was widely accessible. I started meeting people online on Bulletin Boards beginning in the very early 80's. At the time it was a pretty close knit community so there was far less danger than there is now.
I'm a male, not any exceptional specimen but I do pretty well for myself, so I've never been truly worried about meeting people from online. I've probably met well over a hundred from online over the years, but the most exceptional would be the woman that I've been with for the past two and a half years. The woman that I will most definitely marry in the very near future.
More than anything I believe that a person can truly meet someone that touches them and makes them feel whole. The bottom line is that you must be very careful before you ever meet anyone face to face form online. Here are some suggestions from someone who is not only experienced in the matter but who took the extra precautions in order to make sure that not only I was safe, but the woman that I felt so close to would be at no risk:
1) Talk on the phone before you ever meet. Even if you have to buy a prepaid cell phone and talk only after 9pm, it's safe to you and more difficult for the average person to trace. My fiance and myself spoke online (In an online game) for over a year and then on the phone every night for six months and set the ground rules that we would be nothing more than friends. This was a safe bet and definitely a good plan to follow. You can learn a lot from just talking on the phone with a person, if you can speak for six hours every night for six months and not run out of things to say, it just can't be a bad thing right?
2) Never give any personal information publicly online, I'm not saying to lie about who you are, just make sure it's general enough that you won't find a stranger on your lawn at 3am.
3) Meet publicly in a safe ground. Females should try to meet a male with friends around and in some public location like a mall, cafe' or someplace similar. Keep initial meetings short and safe and never go off alone with them. The same thing can apply to males, even though for the most part they are at far less risk than females. The short meetings allow you to get to know the physical aspects of your new friend and to subject yourself to their mannerisms so that you can truly get the full aspect of their character and merit of their person.
4) Listen to any internal warning signs that you may have. always listen to yourself, your heart and mind are definitely looking out for your best interest. If you are creeped out, don't go any farther.
Keep safe when meeting people online, it can be a rewarding experience if done correctly.
~ Robert Vaughan Rob Vaughan on Oct 22 2005, 12:54pm Reply
Thanks for an intelligent response to an important issue! LadyJ on Jan 4 2006, 08:26pm Reply
I was glad to read your article it gave me a lot of ffod for thought.My 14 year old goes to zanga.co and has her own page there and after reading your article we will be talking.
Thank you for bringing this to our attention Karen on Oct 22 2005, 08:32am Reply
Why would you post the location where your kid has a web site? Teri (http://no) on Oct 23 2005, 03:35am Reply
It's necessary for us to charge for private registrations because there is a high cost to properly administer them. In fact, it costs more to manage a private registration than one which is public.
The costs arise from dealing with inquiries from various law enforcement agencies and also intellectual property attorneys. Also because of the nature of the registration we are typically (albeit wrongfully) named in lawsuits that arise because of things like defamation, trademark and copyright violations, etc.
MySpace.com indeed contains details, as do blogs, about people's personal lives. The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, the Lost Child Network, our schools, and parents need to educate the public and each other about the dangers of Internet blogging. God!! As if there weren't enough wackos in the world! Thank you for addressing an issue of such importance!! TN on Oct 23 2005, 03:24am Reply
the internet is just another way for these sick cowards to operate. they would still kill (for whatever sick reason) without the internet. their brain is fucked up...I cant understand it Anonymous on Oct 21 2005, 04:54pm Reply
I type police reports. Some of the worst cases come from Internet meetings. Following is a story with names and specific cities omitted due to confidentiality agreements I have signed do do my job.
A woman in an Eastern state met a man online who lived in the Central Valley of California. The man sent the woman a bus ticket to visit him. He picked her up at the bus station and drove her to his house, where he promptly locked her in a metal cage and put a dog collar on her. He even brought his 13-year-old son to the house and handed the dog collar to the kid, and told the kid to put the dog collar on the woman. Then he informed the kid, "That's how you treat women."
Six days later, the father and son went to the grocery store, leaving the woman in the cage. The kid obviously had a brain in his head, because he deliberately left the cordless phone lying on the floor by the cage, within reach for the woman to use when they left. When the two left, the woman called a crisis hotline she saw on the TV set, which the man had left on to entertain the woman while he and the kid were at the grocery store.
The crisis hotline counselor informed the woman that what happened to her was kidnapping and false imprisionment and told her to call 911 so the address would appear on on the 911 operator's screen. The police came and rescued to woman and waited in the house until the man and his kid returned, then arrested the man.
Had that heroic kid not left the phone near the cage as he was headed out the door with his dad, that woman may have wound up in as just another Murder Story resulting from meeting someone on the Internet. Paula Huff (http://www.tinboxacres.com) on Oct 21 2005, 04:00pm Reply
Yeah. I'm sorry for what happened to that woman, but she behaved like a complete idiot. Don't let someone you've never met in person buy you a bus ticket and then go to their house. You may as well just put a gun in your mouth and pull the trigger. I'm sad for people who play russian roulette and lose, but I also think they are idiots, and what this woman did is not much different.
Look. 99% of my friends I ran across for the first time on the internet. I have since gone on to meet many of them in person. But I met them all in public places, I took my own damn transportation, and I had my own damn way out of there if they started freaking me out (or just annoyed me).
Sure, one of them could have talked me into going back to their place from the public area, probably. But so could anyone you meet in a bar.
My point is - there isn't some completely different set of rules for people you meet on the internet than there is in real life. You shouldn't agree to go to someone's house the first time you laid eyes on him, no matter WHERE you met him. And you shouldn't put info about where you live and where you're going to be on the internet any more than you'd put it on the wall at the bus station.
Just use common sense, people. Mishell on Nov 18 2005, 06:21pm Reply
Back in 1996 I was just starting to chat with people on the internet. I had just left my husband (for someone I was chatting with on the internet...ok..don't say it...but I was at that time of my life) I met several in person....and thinking back to the meetings.... someone was watching over me. I could of been killed so easily and no one would of known who did it. One night my son sat me down and asked what the heck I was doing...not coming home some nights and such. He was very wise for his young years. And I truly thank God and my son. I am writing this because I think it would also be good to watch your love ones and keep track of internet activity and strange behavior. Dee on Oct 21 2005, 01:08pm Reply
It never ceases to fascinate me when I read the wide variety of reactions to an article such as this. Sometimes it's taken so personally and reacted to so violently, in both positive and negative manners. This is simply dissemination of information and opinion, people. Every single era has it's cautionary tales. I'm sure the cavemen were telling thier kids not to stray too far from cave because a rival clan member might get them. Did it ever happen? Sure. Was it the primary cause of caveman deaths? No. One of our era's cautionary tales come from internet related killings. The point is that there have been and always will be predators of all types, just use common sense and caution. Use the cationary information in a manner that best suits you...either continue to use the internet with a dose of common sense, or completely shun the use of it, or anything in between. There has been and always will always be those that do not use common sense and caution even when provided with cautionary information and those are the ones that will always fall victim to the predators no matter what the medium of their victimization was. Christine on Oct 21 2005, 09:46am Reply
Totally agree. Fear over technology is rife in our society. And many Americans don't have passports and are terrified of travelling to "dangerous" lands. Fear of the unknown is irrational and narrow minded. james on Jan 4 2006, 06:08pm Reply
Re: Background checks proposed by true.com. I have monitored this proposed legislation in my state (Florida), and it would give people a false sense of security.
Background checks include information only from states/counties that voluntarily report the data. In Florida, we have 61 counties, of which LESS THAN A THIRD voluntarily report criminal information to background checking agencies, or even make the info available on their websites.
Background checks are basically worthless. Mish on Oct 21 2005, 08:15am Reply
Oh Geezz! Cut me a frrigging slack! The essence of Bob's message is to alert potential victims — not the know it all macho men who gallantly objected to the message or minimize the monstrosity of even one murder of an innocent life.
It is sooooooo sad and sooooo maddening that the friigging weakling predators prey on the trusting, the innocent and the physically defenseless. I am ALWAYS ready to go to war with dem frigging predators. By God, I hope someday I am lucky to catch one of them... I will make him wish he was never born. Some years back some frigging weakling predator tried to force his way into my girlfriends' place late at night. Fortunately I arrived just on the nick of time and he bolted and I pursued but he got away.
More power to you Bob! Keep up the good work. I am very impressed and very grateful that you devote your time, energies and resources in the service of humanity. I am 110 percent behind you buddy.
When all is said and done, I would rather have Bob by my side than some of the people who posted here. It is people like Bob that make this world a safer place. I am sick and tired of weak spineless men preying on the innocent. In the Islamic world we take care of people like that real fast! We have zero tollerance for predators - In America people make excuses for them, that is why there are so many of them.
Good work Bob! LPower on Oct 20 2005, 10:30pm Reply
Bob and all those terrified of the internet, theres an easy solution. Unplug your computer and never venture online. For the other 99.999% of us that can manage and mitigate risk, we know that driving in a motor vehicle is FAR more dangerous then chatting online will EVER be. You have a greater chance of being struck by lightening while being eaten by a shark then you do of being killed from meeing someone off the Net.
Cheers james on Jan 4 2006, 06:11pm Reply
This is a revelation. In our country, the Philippines, maybe most people would know these kinds of tragedy as movie like type.
While the Internet can be a dangerous place, it also allows a person to get to know someone (if both are honest) before meeting.
I met my ex fiancee - and still good friend - on the Internet. She has touched my life in such awesome ways that I am still finding out, even three months after our breakup, just exactly how deep that goes. Is my experience an exception? No. Is Taylor's experience an exception? I only wish it were. Messages about how dangerous the Internet can be to meet people really need to be tempered with reason, as in all things, personal responsibility needs to begin when you agree to meet someone. What does that entail? Only meet in a public place. My ex and I met (with her friends in tow) at a Waffle House near her former dorm.
Guy friends I've met from online I first meet at the local Wal-Mart.
One should also carry mace, pepper spray, or some form of protection (tazer, hand gun, etc.).
If you aren't willing to take care to be safe, to some degree you are responsible for what bad happens to you. I don't think Taylor just capitulated when whomever killed her did the deed, but if she had taken some precautions - such as the ones mentioned above - she could very well be alive today.
So yes, let us mourn Taylor Behl, but let us also take this as a chance to review and change our own ideas on what to do when meeting someone from Online (or anywhere else if you haven't met in person first). Only that will see a dropping off of murders amongst people whom met in any way other then face-to-face.
And if you go to bars a lot, mace and pepper spray are good ideas to carry on you, as well as a cell phone. 911 is just three buttons away and your local PD should be on the speed dial. Joseph A. Nagy, Jr (http://www.joseph-a-nagy-jr.us) on Oct 20 2005, 04:01pm Reply
I guess this story showcases one disadvantage of using Internet diary tools such as blogging. It tempts the author to write about things that he/she will not normally write about. I always catch myself trying to delve into some personal stuffs when blogging, but then I will hold back knowing that there are readers out there who can make use of that information in a negative way.
Hopefully, news like this won't deter avid bloggers from making blogging their pasttime. Jern from Pixel SEO (http://www.pixelseo.com) on Oct 20 2005, 02:51pm Reply
All I want to say is that you could replace "on the internet" with "in a bar" and write the exact same essay. The real problem is that, for some reason, people don't exercise the same caution and restraint online that they do in "real life." The anonymity of the internet makes people a bit braver/more foolhardy, and that is the danger. But if someone is able to exrercise caution and restraint when meeting people online, it can be a valuable place to meet people you might otherwise not.
I understand how someone who doesn't use the internet for meeting people might make this post — I thought the same way before I did — but it's really closed-minded and alarmist. Keith on Oct 20 2005, 02:33pm Reply
Dear Keith,
Actually it's not close minded, and it's not alarmist. The cold hard fact is that the internet makes it super easy for predators and other unsavory types to cast nets much wider for vulnerable individuals much wider than they ever could in a bar.
Because I no longer use dating services on the net (or other mediums to meet people like chat rooms) doesn't negate my thoughts here. Fact is that I did use dating services once upon a time and found them to be an excellent way to meet the wrong person.
Can someone meet their soul mate on the internet? Sure they can. They can also do it in a war zone. The fact that successful relationships happen in these areas makes them no less dangerous.
What a ridiculous, alarmist post. Just the kind of insipid, paranoid crap that is breeding suspicion, distrust and isolation in our society. Here are a few things to consider:
1. Fawley is only suspected. In this country, people are innocent until proven guilty.
2. Internet dating is merely a way to make initial contacts. Beyond that the same rules apply as any other circumstance. You have the same opportunties to evaluate a person in person as you do under other circumstances.
3. Did Bob compare internet dating to the much older "accepted" form of meeting people: while in a bar, intoxicated.
4. Look at the statistics and you'll see a low incidence of these occurances relative to other violent crimes. However, since the internet is NEW, characters like Bob target it for demonization. New = scary and dangerous. Interesting to hear this sort of thing coming from a successful internet entreprenuer. I guess he figures it will create a "caring" image.
The moral of the Behl story is much simpler. Use a little common sense before you meet someone new. Tell a friend or family member who you're meeting and where. And meet in a public place, initially. Otherwise, you'd better just stay at home. Don't go ourside, and don't talk to strangers!
Randy
Hi:
I've been dating on line for some time and while I believe your points are valid, you've ignored the dangers of the offline world. How about the Catholic Priests who've molested young boys? Did they meet their victims in a chat room or at church? Why not a column on the dangers of Mass? How about women who've been drugged at bars? I can't slip you a mickey over Yahoo IM. You think married men lie about being single on Match? Go to a dance club on a Saturday night and see what goes on.
But you certainly made some very valid points. Never give out personal information on the web. Parents need to monitor a child's activity in a chat room. That can not be said too many times.
Basically people need to use the same common sense on line that they use in everyday life. If you are going to meet someone that you've been chatting with online, make sure it is in a public place. Women should arrive early and be there before the person they are supposed to meet show up. Park away from the site and walk to the meeting place. Select a place where there are other businesses and do some shopping before you go back to your car. Check to make sure you're not followed. I think it's also a good idea to talk to a person before you meet him to gage whether or not you're a good match. But I would use a cell phone as that allows you more options to screen calls as well as engage coding which disables the receivers ability to ID the incoming call.
Bob it's very hard for people to meet each other when they get older. Many of us just don't like bars, work at small companies where there is very little chance of meeting someone and just aren't that religous. Online dating is really all there is unless you want to spend thousands of dollars and join a dating service. Sometimes those people don't do very good back ground checks either. People that have used these services have been raped and murdered
too.
All in all, the world is a dangerous place but being alarmist about it doesn't necessarily solve anything. Being careful does. And that's what should be emphasized.
Way to go Bob, the facts are so very true, sad but true. The fact that true.com is wanting to do background checks is a great ideal and I applaud them for that. I myself use chat rooms and have met and made a lot of new friends. The first thing we do when talking to someone new is to tell them up front there will be no personal information given or any one on one meetings, I belong to a chat crew and we host chat parties that are held in a public place, that way we can met new people we chat with and be safe because your not alone with that person. We also talk to the new ones for awhile before inviting them to a chat party. As you know there is nothing 100% safe, but doing what we do and the way we do it helps make it a bit more safer for people who wants to actually make new friends and have fun. I agree the net can be a dangerous place to meet people but I also believe if you follow some guidelines it can be a bit safer when meeting someone new. I am currently working on a site that will have safety tips, kinda a do's and don'ts of online meetings. The biggest tip I can give is do not meet one on one always in public and bring a friend or two I suggest bring two or more. As soon as the site is complete I'll be posting it, If you have any tips you would like to add let me know. S.Rigdon on Oct 19 2005, 12:05pm Reply
Nobody can hurt you online. If you use common sense, like meeting people in the company of others, then face-to-face meetings are relatively safe too. But online is the SAFEST place to meet.
Consider the millions of people who regularly meet online, now note the incredibly small number of mortalities that spring from those meetings. Next, look at meetings in bars, shops, workplaces, parks, etc. and measure the number of mortalities that result from those. You'll be surprised to learn that they are still small — I'll wager they are more numerous than those from internet meetings, but still small.
If you want to really talk about the vast majorities of murders then look at the facts: almost all murders are committed by husbands, brothers, fathers, or boyfriends of the women they murder.
But even this is not as bad as it seems because rates of violent crime have been decreasing for as long as records have been kept. The world is becoming a safer place. You wouldn't know it by listening to the mass media who have everybody whipped up into a frenzy of pointless fear... sadly, even Bob has been affected it seems.
Are you going to advertise during the Super Bowl Next year? Please say you are. Awesome commercial last year! George Stec on Oct 18 2005, 07:55pm Reply
I met my husband online via Yahoo! personals. I was a freshman in college and he had just moved here from Maryland. In no way am I saying that the best way to meet people is online. It works for some while others have bad experiances.
We exchanged e-mails and talked on the phone before metting in person. And when we did meet, I told EVERYONE in my dorm where I was going and who I was going with. Before I even met him face to face he had to go through my "bouncer" (the guy who ran the front desk of the dorms) before he could even take me anywhere. The important thing with meeting people online is letting your friends and family know what is going on. I let my friends know where we were going and when I should be back. It may seem like over kill, but you have to ask you self, I just met this person online, I know I've been honest with my information, but I can't be positive that they are being honest with me. It doesnt matter if you have been taking to the person for two days or two years online. You should still heed the warnings that are posted on whatever site you choose to meet people on. Be smart about it, let people know what your doing where your going, meet in a crowded area, do a buddy date whatever it may be.
This is good statagies to take for meeting anyone for the first time online or not. Online however gives more anominity and it makes it a hundred times easier to lie about your intentions.
All you ever hear about are the bad stories, it seems. I hate these kinds of articles because it leads people to live in fear based on a fairly small number of people ruining it for the rest of us. Since 1991, when I first got onto the original CompuServe, I've met hundreds of people and have spoken to thousands offline. My life has been greatly enhanced and my network of people hugely increased thanks to the Internet. So yes, people, be careful, be intelligent, and use common sense. But don't be afraid. (And hey, I flew after 9/11, AND I use protection.)
P.S. There's no other place I'd buy domain names but Go Daddy. I used to pay Register.Com $35 bucks a year plus another $35 to do a really bad job forwarding. Now I pay not much more than that total for a BUNCH of domain names with free forwarding that works flawlessly. Mel Gibstone (http://www.thatphonething.com) on Oct 18 2005, 09:28am Reply
I can't honestly imagine why anyone would object to this post. As I see it, Bob is simply saying to be careful and vigilant.
Teens are particularly vulnerable, as they tend to post so much personal information online, using their blogs as they would a private diary for their hopes, fears and future plans.
Thanks Bob for the post, and I have sent it to both my teens as another reminder to practice "safe 'net."
Did you know that 40,000 Americans die every year in car crashes. Now THAT'S something to be concerned about.
Read the newspaper. How many murders were a result of an internet relationship? Very few.
Ask any criminologist or law enforcement worker. The vast majority of murders and sexual abuse come from real-life relationships - family members, neighbors, and co-workers.
That's the truth. Mark on Oct 17 2005, 11:35pm Reply
Sure, we should try to find alternative transportation; why can't one of these murderers meet their fate in a car accident?
THANK YOU, Mr. Parsons, for addressing an issue that will only GROW to become a bigger problem. The naysayers may want their children online, but you know what - it is the entire community's responsibility (though everyone is entitled to his opinion) - schools, parents, National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, Lost Child Network - to prevent as many child abductions as possible, or teenage abductions or otherwise.
Anyone who believes this issue is not important can go ahead and continue to blog details of THEIR lives. Online.
Education is the key. Mr. Parsons raises some very salient points about all of this. We can't afford to stick our heads in the sand. Criminals and pedophiles are internet-savvy these days, and our first line of defense is to prevent it from happening.
Parents, talk to your children or teens about Internet blogging. During a very confusing time in a kid's life, when they most want friends and comfort, strangers will find ways of contacting our kids and make them vulnerable, even if Taylor was lured by this particular individual. This is a real threat that will continue to grow, unless it is STOPPED. Teri (http://Do not wish to share it) on Oct 23 2005, 03:31am Reply
Hey Everybody
The best place to meet your sweetie is at Big Box Mart, down at the Shopping center. We know because we are having a lot of fun with our www.BigBox-Mart.com website playing the best Jib Jab ever.
We are getting so many people that are asking about the New BIG BOX MEETING GROUP we are going to have each week in some Walmart stores.
I went to school with a Hardy Lloyd (60's) at Tenn Tech. Could this be the same one? Ken Harvey on Oct 17 2005, 02:11am Reply
Speaking of which, how about sheilding my whois information for me? That's a treasure trove of personal information and the domains that I've registered with GoDaddy don't even try to hide it. So if you're so concerned about people getting knocked off, hide my info for me!
That's why we offer our Domains By Proxy service which removes your name and contact information from the whois and replaces it with its own. If you're interested in this — which we call a private registration — call customer support and they will be glad to help you out.
Hey Bob,
Loved last week's radio show, and your brother Al was right about the information segment - though I suppose weird news would be okay now and then too.
I also really want more shows featuring tdnam strategies as I really want to be a success at auctioning domains. One simple thing that would be beneficial to sellers would be for your to allow us to see what names are finally sold for (i.e. a section of closed listings over the few weeks like ebay provides in their advanced search function.) This would help us see what types of names are selling, and help us determine where to set our asking price.
Anyway, I am very excited about the tdnam opportunity and will be glad to learn more from you and your radio guests. Keep up the great work.
-Michelle D. Michelle D. on Oct 16 2005, 10:20pm Reply
Dear Michelle,
I like your suggestion (as always). I'll pass it along and maybe we'll get it implemented.
Alarmist, yes, true-YES. I appreciate, especially a man, taking an interest in the safety of, especially women and young women on the internet. Note that many men responded somewhat negatively to this article. I used it as a teaching tool - by reading it to my 11 year old daughter who wants to know why I won't allow her to go into chat rooms and talk to anyone she wants to- Like all her friends do! I find that really alarming. We need to be very careful-women, especially young women- its up to the older and wiser to teach them. Thanks for being wise. Laura on Oct 16 2005, 08:35pm Reply
It's no more dangerous than going to Aruba.
Truth be told, the same rules apply whether you're online or face to face.
Let your guard down for one second, and you are asking to be victimized.
Sad, sad story nontheless.
PS: What did your staff do to the radiogodaddy web site?
I tried to listen to the last show, and when I went to the website, I hear "David Lawrence Presents....." and then the web browser crashes! Neat trick David.....and for his next act, he'll crash your email client (Using OS X 10.4 and 10.4.2 and Safari and/or Camino. ) Mad HuNGaRIaN on Oct 16 2005, 08:22pm Reply
Dear Mad,
I just checked the RadioGoDaddy site and it seems to work just fine. Who knows that happened when you checked it.
Thank you for the article, Bob. I am a new girl in town (Phoenix) from a small Midwest town. I carried my Match.com file over to Phoenix and have since started dating.
I am very trusting and your article has opened my eyes. Thank you.
Thanks for the job too!
JD JD on Oct 16 2005, 04:09pm Reply
Thanks Bob, now I can scratch JD off of my list of chicks that are not afraid to date me.
Both of my long-term relationships (2 years in high school, 3 years with my current boyfriend/fiance) started with people I met online. I am always careful to meet new people in a public place and register all my domains (with GoDaddy!) to a P.O. Box. Once I drove someone 3 hours to the airport (I lived in a small town) and I called my mom and told her that if I didn't call her by a certain time, to call the police. I gave her my car's description, license plate number, and which roads I was going to take. Fortunately I made the call safe and sound. I have met lots of people online, even my best friend who met her husband online. I just think that the odds of someone you meet wanting to kill you can't be much different online than at some random club/bar in town. Christine (http://www.planetcrimson.com) on Oct 16 2005, 03:33pm Reply
Geez people... take a deep breath.
Sure, statistically you can try to minimize the topic/content of this blog. But I guess some of you 'live a life of danger' and-> continued to buy Tylenol when a couple packages were laced with poison years ago, didn't think twice about flying after Sept. 11, and never wear 'protection'...figuring no one will ever get pregnant. Need I add more examples of situations that can be minimized by statistics but have been generally been recognized/reacted by the majority?
I like these points:
1. The internet is exactly the wrong place to make details about your personal plans available to the public.
2. Predators look for easy and vulnerable prey. They are always scanning.
3. If you make your personal details public, and are willing to form relationships based on contacts you make over the internet - you are vulnerable.
I would like to add that we have new generations having been 'weaned' on the internet. Parents should educate their children and closely monitor internet activity. This topic could certainly include many cases of predators engaging kids in chatrooms.
The internet 'can be forever'...unlike meeting someone in public, your personal (posted) information may linger on well beyond your memory of the date of the entry.
Suggestion #1 includes 'specific details and plans' about your personal life. No one really needs to know that 'KathyinSanFran goes to the Starbucks on Main st. every Friday night at 10pm with her small Cocker Spaniel' yet I am sure many of us have seen similar postings.
You should really write an article about the perils of posting your idiotic and offensive opinions in public when you're trying to attract customers to a business. After seeing some of the $(*&^# posted on this blog, there's no way I'll be sending my business your way. Uncustomer on Oct 15 2005, 05:13pm Reply
'Blog' is short for a weblog. A weblog is a journal (or newsletter) that is frequently updated and intended for general public consumption. Blogs generally represent the personality of the author or the Web site. The domain you visited when you posted your reply to this article was www.bobparsons.com and NOT www.godaddy.com
It is also true that this article ('Why the internet can be a bad place to meet people') was posted on www.bobparsons.com and NOT www.godaddy.com ! Therefore, you are mistaken (I am being polite at this point) to claim that the purpose of this website is 'to attract customers to a business' as this blog clearly serves the purpose for which it was intended as defined above.
I have been a customer of GoDaddy.com for over 8 years and the service they provide is second to none. It is also provided at an affordable and more than competitive price. The fact that GoDaddy.com's president and founder, Mr Bob Parsons chose to establish a blog does not interfere with GoDaddy.com's ability to deliver their service, nor does it lesson the respect I have for GoDaddy.com despite whether I agree or disagree with some of Mr Parson's articles.
I can only summise that you work for a competitor of GoDaddy.com (if such a company exists in the market today). I am self employed, and being honest, I would hate to have a customer like you, but maybe it is people like you that keep a lot of the other twisted domain registrant companies in business today !
Keep up the good work Bob ! I really enjoy your blog at times...
go figure. closed mind. good luck whoknew on Oct 17 2005, 03:45am Reply
I like godaddy.com it's where I buy all my domains ^_^'
Well, about this article: I disagree that the internet is as dangerous as you portray here. The internet is no less safe or no more harmful than telephone chatlines or taking a walk through a park.
To say that a handful or even hundreds of murders and rapes have happened from the internet (over a BILLION people online) and not also report how many car accidents are in this country or that country. And how many rapes and murders from just living your life in your town/city.
If you were to research even a thousand of these cases that is pretty good comparitively to the much safer face to face meetings everyday. I could go to the grocery store right now and on the way to get there get run over or hit with a car, get mugged before I get to the store, get raped walking back to my car, or even stung by some west nile bug The internet is rather safe i think compared to not_the_internet. I'll stop rambling now... Alyssa on Oct 15 2005, 05:21am Reply
Alyssa,
I don't think that the point Bob is making is that the Internet is more unsafe that the rest of the world. People often think of the Internet as being anonymous and it is easy to let your guard down. These criminals like it when people let their guard down and then they strike.
I teach a few technology course and I try to focus a lot on security. I tell me students about hardware and software solutions for security but my biggest point is that they have to use their heads. It does no good to have all the security checks in place, have all the background information checked on a person and to totally ignore your common sense. Sam Anderson on Oct 20 2005, 10:48am Reply
Bob,
I think it's a bit of a jump to conclusions to say that the Internet is the "last" place you'd want to meet someone. I would personally much rather meet someone on the Internet than in a bar. On the Internet, you are free to ask any questions you want and unless you're stupid about your personal information there's no way anyone can physically threaten you until you make yourself personally available to them. And if you use some common sense and talk to someone enough before you agree to meet them, if they're not being on the up and up there's often something that just doesn't add right. Like if they don't want to give out pictures of themselves, or if they don't want to meet in a public place, etc etc.
Conversely, in a bar, you're already in a place where you're physically there. Since it is a bar, obviously alcohol is often already involved. And once you meet someone in a bar, if they want to stalk you, there's nothing physically preventing them from doing so other than watching closely in your rear view mirror of your car and alertly getting to a public place or a pay phone or calling 911 from your cell. Regardless, the escape mechanisms are more difficult from this point forward than they are on the Internet if you use some sense. If someone's a scumball on the Internet, you insist on meeting them in a public place first and don't allow them to know anything more about where to find you until you're sure you can trust them. On the other hand, in a bar you're already physically there, you're already in harm's way.
It all comes down to using some sense and making sure you're careful about who you allow to find you. If you're not careful in any environment, and you run into someone who wants to kill you badly enough, odds are you're in pretty bad trouble no matter what medium you're using to meet people. The Internet might create another veil that allows people to not let you know who they are until it's too late, but that's a two way street: it also is another veil that allows you to not let them know who you are until you're sure you can trust them.
Personally I think most of you people are out of your friggin minds. You concerned about killers using the internet. Im sure its happened and will happen again. The weak (or naieve) will die and the strong (or cautious) will survive. If you eliminate your chances of being killed then chances are you will miss one. You should embrace life and live it for what its worth. Stop being a bunch of pussy Americans. Using the internet by the way is a stupid medium. Its traceable, most people are a distance away from you and already cautious of it. You can meet someone at your local grocery store much easier and could kill them before anyone knew it. Jesse Chadwick on Oct 14 2005, 08:26pm Reply
I'm afraid that I have to agree that this is an alarmist piece. I'm anxiously awaiting the article on how we should never cross the road because there are far too many dangerous metallic things that are trying to kill us.
I met my wife on the internet and we've been happily married for over 6 years and I know lots of other couples who have met and got married. As in real life you have to have some common sense and spend time to know the real person. You can do this online far more easily and safe than the often practised habit of meeting someone in a nightclub one night and jumping into bed with them an hour later, Andy (http://absoblogginlutely.net) on Oct 14 2005, 07:06pm Reply
Bob,
I met my wife online and we just celebrated our 5th wedding aniversary last week. Our meeting was totally random using an online chat client 'ICQ' back in 1997 / 1998. We talked for several years online before deciding to meet face to face. So I flew out here to Arizona in October 1999 where we fell in love with eachother, we were married in England in October 2000 and moved Arizona just after planes started flying after 9/11. Our daughter was born in June 2003 and we both work for you here at GoDaddy.
ICQ posted our story and we helped many couples with Visa information and giving advice to couples who met online from different countries.
I agree, it can be dangerous. But so can driving to work or walking down the street. Sometimes you just have to take the risk for love / happiness. For every horror story that makes its way into the news, there are 10's / 100's of happy stories like my own.
I am just curious, do you think that if the internet or chat rooms etc had never happend...you and your wife would both would still be single...or Married to someone else. I build sites, buy domains, shoot pictures, email people, but never tried meeting what I thought were loosers or shy people online. I don't go to clubs or bars, just chat with people in person...not much luck lately. Just don't understand this Part of the internet for some reason.
There was a time when I tried dating over the internet and had no luck. The three women I met all were dishonest regarding the information they posted — so I quit the internet dating altogether.
My wife and I met in person and the internet was not involved. Regarding where I would be without the internet, I can only guess.
Sorry the question was for (ROGER) #12 who got married online. But its always great to hear your answer too. Sometimes, some of the posters must use more than one name (how weird) Anyway, thanks and I could see how that happens.
Bob,
Great post to bring attention to this. You ended your post with the following: "Many individuals have been victimized by those they have met, many have even been murdered. Since the internet is just getting started I suspect the nightmare stories we are now hearing about are just the beginning."
I just wanted to contradict those points with the points you made:
1. The internet has been around for a while. Multiply that by ten if you count in computer years and it has always been a place to do illicit activies since the early days of BBS.
2. Not to belittle the tragic situation involving Taylor Behl, my heart goes out to her family. But your point of girls meeting a bad guy on the internet can coincide with girls meeting a bad guy in Aruba. My point is both guys are bad news but the internet was just a form factor. Both guys had to really manipulate their environment and took advantage of the girls in order to get close to them and the internet can not do that for you.
3. I first went on an internet date back in 1999. It wasn't as acceptable back then as it is now but my point is that the risk involved is still the same. There was a documentary on this summer about online dataing. I forgot what it was called but it was on ABC and it followed couples on their internet dates. It's more comical than a what-to-do documentary. On one date, the guy flew in from Atlanta and stayed over at the girl's apartment, sleeping on the couch. The girl made it a point to call her friend who was a police officer and told her that he was sleeping over right in front of the guy. This was good practice even though the guy said on camera that it wasnt necessary to do that.
My point is if you are going to meet people on the internet for the first time, do so in a controlled environment where your friends are aware. Or an environment where you are in the company of someone and it would not be wise to try anything foolish. It's a good way to mitigate the risk of meeting someone dangerous on the internet, yet most are embarassed to do so. Ivan on Oct 14 2005, 12:49pm Reply
Bob,
As I read the post, I had rather mixed feelings since I have been online from the early days (from my days at the University of Illinois when they released Mosaic in 1994) to today as a parent of a young child. I believe that we all seem to forget that the Internet is a relatively young medium that has been adopted quite quickly by the large masses. As with any new medium or technology, there are kinks that get worked out either by the designers or the people that use the technology.
It is sad to hear that we preach freedom in the same breath as we speak the words of censorship and validation and registration of all people who want to communicate online.
It is up to all of us to be honest in our dealings with people on/off line. Dealing with people is more difficult as you are not able to read body language and other visual cues that may help you best determine your level of comfort or lack there of. The web allows people annonimity and sometimes as cited by your examples, is used wrongly.
Protection from bad things should start at the home and we should not be policing the internet to keep people from shooting themselves in the foot if they do not heed the warning messages harked by the media and others... This education starts in the home at a very young age when we teach our 2 year old not to trust stangers... this training should also be carried onto the online realm as it is no different than meeting a stranger in person.
Good post - I think this will be a very heated and debated issue for a long time to come - and as we progress as a race - maybe we will look to compassion as our choice of action versus violence and that will hopefully translate into a better world on and offline
Thanks
VeganBoy Vegan Boy Jones on Oct 13 2005, 08:17pm Reply
THATS JUST SICK! THAT MAN IS F***D IN THE HEAD! I meen, Here in Australia, I belive we should bring back the Death Penalty sometimes... We have Maniacs that escape Maximum security Prisons ans are running around the streets of Perth! Last year we have 9 criminals escape a cell in the Perth Supreme Court and Run amock! They eventually caught them... The 2 criminals that actually STAYED in the cell didnt actually get an Extremely High Prison sentence! Infact, The judge praised them - even though they DID plead guilty to second degree murder! Now... ANYWAY! I hate people like that! I always watch Law & Order SVU... I'm an expert! I have never missed an episode, I even payed $300 for a portable TV and watched an Episode during my big sisters wedding! I looked stupid when I laughed my guts out because the murdered tripped on a branch that was infront of him, anyway, I hope that loserface murderer gets the death sentence! AND MY GOSH! I HAVE ALMOST TYPED 1000 WORDS! I DIDNT KNOW I WAS THAT FAST AT TYPING! anyway, enjoy Bob!
Bob,
I just wanted to let you know that you're views on the real Internet world are very true. There are too many bad stories about people being killed, etc. If people would realize that the Internet is not a moderated and maintained environment, I think we would all be better off. Not to say that the Internet is all bad, but there are some people out there that are just plain wrong. All of the people that you mentioned probably didn't even realize that they were vulnerable to these attacks by predators. To think that we have children as young as 5 on the Internet is somewhat horrible. Being a computer person that has been around for some time to experience most all of it, I can safely say that most of the average Internet users will post personal information online. I just don't understand why people would want to put sacred, personal information online for all to view. As we are all firmly convinced, not all the people in our world are good people. Most of them are, but there is still that small margin of the bad ones. Hopefully from your blog, people will be safer, and smarter online.
Bob, you always make a good point. I don't care what you are talking about, you always make a firm and agressive statement that really stands out. I'm sure everyone agrees that your views are very, very true no matter what the situation.
The alarm was good, whether or not hard or biased.
INTERNET USERS MUST be aware and precautious.
That's your mission to warn, and God bless your courage.
In fact I was checking the data of a domain when I read your posting. I also read all the responses very delighted. Good job Bob!
BTW, I was checking the data of a potential employer (eh)... who posted a news paper ad sort of "make you millionaire with a internet job", and they show in their website "wonderful" pictures of "wealth" and their happiest "themselves"... oh dreamland... I don't know if I shed my tears, or laugh about one more joke again... darn - never mind...
Bob, I love your earring! It looks very good on you.
I would not blame the Internet. It is like saying that rock music is the work of the devil.
If you spell Internet backwards it is Tenretni which means nothing as far as I know in English but sounds like it could mean something in another language.
Goth is in a loose way the same at least as far as Style and trends etc. There is a national chain store in most malls in the country that has for years sold mostly Black clothes, yes Skulls etc.....it has been very popular and done well until last few years, its NOW everywhere...EVERYTHING GOES MAINSTREAM...and has effects on fashion and style. I am in the fashion business and thats pretty much all I see here. Some Old men wear Yellow pants and golf shirts...They scare my doggie sometimes. I am a 60 year old man, I happen to like Black tees and Jeans etc. I have been on the "Inside of Goth (what ever that means) houses, had them work for me, had a girlfriend (much younger than me) that you might call "Goth" she collected bones, liked to visit grave yards when traveling around the country.. Yes these people seem or at least LOOK a little weird, so what. There have been Style, Fashion and Music related Fads etc for years. You better worry about the KKK and people that dress up on weekends in Camos and play Army out behind there house...these people have Guns that could really hurt!
Whats any of this got to do with Weird'O closet Jerk Offs that sit on the computer to get there jollies...Preachers, Teachers, Cops and yes maybe your neighbors...Get real, If you are not one of the weirdos you should support Bobs topic. jimbob on Oct 14 2005, 01:13am Reply
Bob, outstanding blog overall, and thanks for a great business - big godaddy fan since years back.
Regarding this topic, I agree with some that just because the person was interested in art and goth culture, it does not make them a danger - probably just depressed! The rest certainly does make this guy a threat. Unfortunately, the low life types tend toward the darker sides of our culture. But in all things, including the darker sides, there is some beauty.
As a man who has been trying (unsuccessfully) to find Ms. Right online for a while, I can personally speak to the number of broken people I find online. Your points are all dead on about the skills we can't use online to weed out the deranged. It has, however, forced the development of new survival skills, which have worked well for me. The most important of which is a simple one - honesty - one, even small, lie and the person is history. To many games are played, and too little simple sincerity and honesty. If a person sincerely wants to find another soul - games are not the way to find that person (in MHO).
Another skill that works well is "Total Disclosure". Get all the information out quickly, and make it somewhat verifiable, then work on the emotions. If people would just use some basic common sense, and honesty to the web, it would be much easier to find a suitable mate.
Anyway, thanks for the blog, thanks for the GoDaddy service, and keep blogging onward.
Wow, Totally GREAT article, Bob!! Thank you So much for writing this, it's something I constantly need to remind myself of. Forums and online blogs lull people into a sense of false security. I used to have a LiveJournal, and let loose with all kinds of personal info! Where I lived, shopped, etc. I had a huge list of "friends". I actually met my boyfriend online, and he's the one who told me to stop posting so much information about myself because it was too dangerous! It worked out in my case, but it is Very Risky to form relationships through email with people you don't know. Thank you very much for reminding everyone, especially women, to stay safe online!! You're the best, Bob!!
I am usually a fan of your blog, but I have to say that I am disappointed in this post.
Seems like a bunch of anecdotal sensationalistic "evidence" of the type we are accustomed to reading in the mainstream media.
You could just have easily discussed all of the women who have been beaten by men they met in church. I am sure were to you to put forth the effort you could find all kind of examples of such.
I particularly enjoy your business related posts. Keep up the good work.
Bob, I'd first like to say I'm a big fan of your blog, but I'd have to say this is the first article I'm displeased with.
I think you are being very biased and unfair in your quote describing Ben Fawley as disturbing and his interests of "art, Goth culture and skulls" and THEN listing the pornography and illegal firearms. This almost goes along the same lines of violence in video games effecting violence in Real Life.
I guess the point is, you pointed out "art, Goth culture and skulls" as disturbing, and I really don't think such accusations should be made unless you know a person personally.
In a more general note, your whole post is just way too negative. I am normally very inspired by your posts... but this, this is like something that would be on the news (I can't stand watching tv news). Yes yes... I understand, people kill each other, internet is another danger, video games cause violence, turn off the coffee maker in the kitchen, etc. This kind of stuff is really nothing new, and I'd rather hear about technical innovation, creative thinking, problem solving, and so on.
With that said, you have a lot more life experience/knowledge than I do, so we are probably just looking at things from a different perspective.
Oh my god. You mean my husband of 5 years and the father of my child is a rapist and murderer?? Alli on Oct 13 2005, 09:58am Reply
Hi Bob,
according to all the information I heard, Taylor met Ben when she was visiting her friend Mike Cino in february in Richmond. Ben was Mike's roommate. After that, they maintained a relationship mostly online.
So I think it is not accurate that they met online.
Well, these are just the horror stories that involve death. Think about all the scamming that goes online. Saw a bargirl in at western union here in Thailand. She was collecting $2000 from an American internet boyfriend for her sick buffalo/sick family member. Collected the money with her Thai boyfriend and they went shopping. Internet relationships are fraught with danger, not just physical. Gregory (http://www.ricotierra.com) on Oct 12 2005, 11:52pm Reply
Thats some funny stuff! Terry S on Oct 14 2005, 10:32am Reply
Bob,
I heard you were going to do the subject of this blog next week on the Radio show. I think this subject is SO BIG and it hits so, so many 12 to 24 year olds and their parents. This COULD bring by far your Biggest online, radio/podcast ever! I think it is worth getting out news releases to the networks and papers. If you could have a guest that is in jail or re-hab from this and perhaps victums.
Coming from a company that makes its living with internet related products and you standing up and taking this position on this, is BIG TIME. I just hope we (you) can get some media coverage doing it and that it goes great. So many people I come in contact with use the internet to meet and chat this way and are subject to these issues. As you say its just getting going and it really needs to be looked at and brought to everyones attention TO HELP THE WEB, if left unchecked it will hurt the internet and its usefulness in future years.
You're blowing this all out of proportion. You sound just like the news media.
The Internet can be a dangerous place, but then so can the "real world".
To flat out state that you should never meet anyone in person from online is absurd.
What about Computer User Group meetings?
And frankly many couples have met online and ended up getting marrying. I know of several.
Minors is another matter though. But the way you write this it's as if to say don't ever contact anyone from online ever.
I do agree that posting your personal information onlnine is a bad idea, which is why I don't. I also use a pseudonym.
I'd not want to piss off any employers at some point in time. Scott (http://angrykeyboarder.com) on Oct 12 2005, 10:56pm Reply
Great Radio Show Tonight!
I enjoyed this show the most of any I have heard. Loved the Domain thing that replaced the Weird News tonight.
The show seemed loose but good, it was "GoDaddy Rich & Good!" I really think David L. ads big time to the show in both production and content quality. I would like to get his show also, does he have a podcast or online show also?
Interesting discussion. What I noticed is the men appear to be hostile on the subject of online dating and completely missed the point of the post. Be Safe. Be Smart. Anywhere and Everywhere.
The internet is old to most of us, however everyday someone new finds all the internet has to offer. We live in dangerous times, unfortunately we always have. It's only in the past 10 years or so that bad news has entered our living rooms, bedrooms and sometimes back pocket from all over the world on a 24 hour basis.
Bob, thank you for being one of the few voices online that makes it clear, the rules that apply offline still apply online. Being stupid, unaware and plain lazy can, and does, get people killed. The message needed to be said, you had the guts to say it.
Statistics can be manipulated to make a point on both sides of the issue, just as religion, politics and public opinion passed off as journalistic objectivity.
I think those who are doing the most protesting are the very ones who require the most scrutiny. Doing things that make you a 'mark' is nothing to be proud of.
Again, thanks Bob for starting this lively discussion and for speaking up for those who needed are no longer here to speak for themselves. Janine on Oct 17 2005, 12:20am Reply
This article you wrote is PURE HYPE. Plain and simple.
Internet dating is no more dangerous than any other kind of dating. Traditional dating is full of date rapes and murder stories too.
You can find exceptions to the norm and horror stories on any subject. We must always be careful with ourselves - be it crossing the street, dating, what we eat or whatever. I once heard of someone choking and dying on a carrot. But I for one am not going to stop eating these dangerous vegetables.
When you meet someone online you can spend some time trying to get to know something about them. As in ANY first dates, meet and part in public places and don't give out any more information than you feel comfortable with.
Internet dating works. I know this for a fact with first hand experience and through the experience of a number of my close asscociates. Sure beats meeting singles in bars.
I actually subscribe to a number of the sites out there. These things are good to know.
Let me give you an example of why that bill that True is trying to get passed would NOT work.
Let's say a woman was convicted of some felony like escape for signing-up for one of those work crew details and not showing up to complete it because of no transportation at 5am to get to a rural location to go do the work.
Under True's membership rules, this person is a convicted felon and cannot join. No if's, and's, or but's - no exceptions.
Or let's say there is a man who ran around with the wrong crowd some 20 years ago and got charged for felony forgery over some stupid circumstances. He cannot join True. No if's, and's, or but's - no exceptions.
Yes, I agree that there need to be checks and balances where dating sites are concerned. But I also think that denying someone with a felony conviction access to dating services is wrong. Let's say it was a first offense and no jail or prison time, yes they are 'technically' still considered a 'convict'. But True's membership rules are biased with concern to time that has passed combined with nature of conviction. Of course a sexual predator or murderer should NEVER be allowed to join any dating sites.
But denying access to services on all dating sites because of a felony conviction WITHOUT taking into consideration the nature of the crime that had been commited is wrong in my opinion.
Violent felony criminals should be restricted from the internet, period. We all were young once and made a few mistakes that we have put behind us, and even moved on with our lives and became better, more productive human beings.
I would have to stand opposed to that bill unless there were to be some MUCH needed revisioning to it's requirements.
I mean, if non-violent and minor felonies now, what's next? Misdemeanors? Parking violations & traffic tickets?
As far as parking violations go, if they add those later on, I'll be kicked off True for sure!
Not everything about True is bad. They screen for married people as well. In fact, when I signed-up they asked if I was still married to my ex-wife! I answered no honestly and don't mind them checking up on that. It keeps the playground safe for the rest of us kids drowninginjello (http://www.drowninginjello.com/) on Oct 12 2005, 10:32pm Reply
I just wanted to add to my comment, as I read a little more about True's CEO & Founder, Herb Vest. Here is my formal response to Mr. Vest's story and his actions.
Herb Vest lost his father to tragic circumstances. His father was murdered by a stranger. I don't know the exact statistics of adult victims who were murdered after meeting someone online, but I do know that Herb's father wasn't one of them.
Herb Vest has made it his personal quest to ban even non-violent criminals from ever interacting with society. I'm not talking about repeat offenders who continue to screw-up no matter how many times they get a chance to redeem themselves. I'm talking about NON-VIOLENT crimes.
What happened to Mr. Vest's father was a tragedy. But it happened long before the internet in its current state was developed. Yes, we do need background checks and ways to keep married people from participating. I will not argue that point at all.
But according to Mr. Vest, he supports ANYONE_WHO_HAS EVER_BEEN_ARRESTED_ being banned for life from using his or any other dating service. If this bill is passed in its current conception without a revision, it will be legal prejudice and bias against anyone who has been arrested. Yes, other dating services will have the choice of NOT doing criminal background checks, but Mr. Vest says he doesn't understand why Match.com's CEO won't join the support for the bill.
Match.com respects members privacy, but provides links to Ask.com and suggests that members do a background check if they feel it is safer for them. Why go to the extreme of forcing everyone to comply with your will because you have a hidden republican agenda? Yes, I'm giving this whole bill a poitical face.
Look at that link to True about the bill. 'Divorce-Free America'? I'm a Christian AND a Liberal, and I see a hidden agenda in this bill that goes beyond 'felony convictions'. I will comply with something if I feel it is in my best interest, but I sure as heck won't comply to someone elses ideals if I feel they are wrong or have a hidden agenda.
On my website http://www.drowninginjello.com, I'm going to be revamping the menu. I'll have my personal blog, my Liberal Viewpoint BB, and my ~Jiggles~ dating service. ~Jiggles~ is free for anyone that wants to join. I mean absolutely free. The point is dating simplified, with no barriers and free. Save the money you would spend on a dating service to do a background check on a potential date, as I won't require it.
Will I ever require it? Maybe sometime. But I will also allow someone convicted of a felony or arrested to explain the circumstances. And no, no violent felons or predatory felons will be allowed. Period.
The plan is to have all of the great features of True without the 'hidden agenda' or 'personal religious mission'.
Not advertising, just stating my viewpoint against both hidden agenda's and violent crimianls.
I like most of your postings, but this is so far extremist it's not funny. I actually couldn't believe you posted this as a serious topic.
Internet safety is a very serious issue, but you just took the most alarmist view possible and ran with it till you ran out of facts to support your argument, with what looks like no first hand experience yourself.
You register domain names for online dating services don't you? You host their websites im sure.
Agreed, Nate. Bob, it's certainly true that many people have been killed or scammed by people they met on the Internet, but it's also true that the same things have happened to people who never user the Internet. You provided no statistics to support your point, so from your article, we can't know whether meeting people over the Internet is more or less dangerous than meeting people other ways. As it stands, I'm afraid your article is a piece of alarmist hype of exactly the type examined at http://www.dhmo.org/ .
What's really sad about this is that you covered a subject worthy of popular attention, but did it in almost the worst way possible. There are certainly dangers unique to the Internet — such as the appearance of emotional involvement when it may not actually exist — and your readers would have been better served had you dwelt more on these points. Marnen Laibow-Koser (http://www.marnen.org) on Oct 16 2005, 12:32am Reply
Wow, how overstated can this be? Going by your standards we should never get in a plane (much less a car) again! Because statistically speaking we might DIE!!!!!! Geez, how paranoid are we supposed to be? I imagine the statistics for meeting psycho's online vs in real life are probably neck in neck.
Well, excuse me I must go put visqueen and duct tape on my door as I'm never leaving again... the world according to Bob Parsons is just too scarey for me! Nunya Business (http://n/a) on Oct 12 2005, 09:17pm Reply
Dear Nunya,
Actually the likelihood of meeting a psycho over the internet is much better than it is in person (so as not to confuse things I will point out....both mediums are in real life).
You do raise a good point. Not everyone is a psycho. However there's enough danger on the internet that it makes sense for one to be very careful indeed.
3000 characters? OK here goes:
Good advice.
Unnecessary alarmism.
Terrible proposed legislation.
Bob, you said you've met exactly 3 women online. One can't get valid statistical data from a sampling of 3. I've met enough men online for a statistical sampling (over 100). My conclusion is that the Internet is a MUCH safer way to meet people, IF one practices safe surfing. I learned safe surfing back in 1996 from the plethora of sites already offering excellent advice on the topic. People who aren't concerned about safety may never google "safe internet dating," but the information is certainly out there, and has been for years.
I met my husband of 6 years on an internet dating site. I also had a bad experience, where I began dating a guy all my friends (online and in real life) said he's bad news, stay away from him...I ignored them and after dating and living together for 6 months he rearranged my face and strangled me. From that experience I learned to listen to my friends' advice. I could have met that guy in a bar as easily as online (except I stopped going to bars when I discovered the Internet).
It's been my experience that people I meet initially in person are more often dishonest than people who I meet initially online, particularly about physical attributes. In person, women might wear girdles, wigs or Wonderbras to enhance their appearance.
Men might wear hairpieces, stuff things in their pants,wear thick-soled shoes or wear shoulder pads to enhance their appearance. Online, people can describe themselves jokingly as a troll with breasts or a walking stick with hair, etc. Then later once two people have a rappor, and photos are exchanged, the reactions are generally quite positive.
I think this is so because so much rides on the initial first impression, which is mostly physical, when people meet in person. When people already know each other's personalities and then meet in person, it's just so much easier to be real.
Just be sure to let your friends check out your potential date before committing, and listen to their opinions!
If I told you I'd have to kill you (http://lol.net) on Dec 3 2005, 04:09am Reply
Bob,
You said, "Actually the likelihood of meeting a psycho over the internet is much better than it is in person..."
I would be very interested in the statistics you're using to back up this statement. Could you post either the names of the articles (or papers) or the links to them?
My quote came from the comment (of yours) that I responded to. Look again at your comment. And, I wasn't arguing your word choice, I was asking where your statistics (about the "likelihood of meeting a psycho over the internet is much better than it is in person" come from. As I stated before, I'm actually very interested in the numbers on which you base that comment.
Another user pointed that out also. Here is my response to him...
The reason that it's easier to meet destructive personalities over the net as opposed to in person is because they can throw a much wider net in cyber space as opposed to the physical world. There's no question that you can meet knuckleheads in both places but the internet wins this contest hands down.
Uh, Bob? At the very beginning of this thread, you stated (and I quote...actually I copy and paste)
"Dear Nunya,
Actually the likelihood of meeting a psycho over the internet is much better than it is in person (so as not to confuse things I will point out....both mediums are in real life).
You do raise a good point. Not everyone is a psycho. However there's enough danger on the internet that it makes sense for one to be very careful indeed.
Appreciate your post,
Bob
#11.1 bob parsons on Oct 12 2005, 22:47 Reply"
So while you might not have used the word psycho in the original text, you DID make this statement in your original reply to this thread, then defended the challenge by denying you made the statement in the original text.
What gives? Do you have some sort of personal or emotional involvement with one of the victims you mention in your story? Because the normal Logical Bob Parsons we've all come to know and love seems to be AWOL right now. If you wanted to blame this post on hackers who hijacked your account, or an evil twin, I'd be willing to believe it, because this just does not sound like you.
I'd really like to know the back story. It might keep me from thinking you've lost it! Jeff on Oct 13 2005, 01:58pm Reply
Dear Jeff,
Ah....so that's where I mentioned the word Psycho! I did a text search on the article and couldn't find it. Now I can respond.
First of all I don't think I've lost it. However if you think I have you won't be the first. That said, I personally don't see how you can say that the net is not a dangerous place — it is.
The reason that it's easier to meet destructive personalities over the net as opposed to in person is because they can throw a much wider net in cyber space as opposed to the physical world. There's no question that you can meet knuckleheads in both places but the internet wins this contest hands down.
Some time ago, it was sugegsted that "Internet" should be capitalized, and you agreed. However, now you seem to prefer the lowercase "i" when using the word . . . I know it is a little "off topic", but do you consider it (Internet) to be a proper noun and then subject to being capitalized, or have you had a change of heart? Armando Chilelli on Oct 12 2005, 08:38pm Reply
Dear Armando,
Now that you mention it, I think the word Internet should be capitalized. It is a proper noun. It definitely is a unique entity of a sort. It's kind of like the cyber world's equivalent of Earth.
From hereto forward, I'll make a better effort to be consistent and capitalize the word "Internet."
I think your post has a real "throw the baby out with the bathwater" tinge to it. You gave a dozen or so examples of internet hookups gone bad. I don't doubt that the 'Net was related to these tragic deaths, but I tend to put more faith in the idea that the people who died had an underdeveloped ability to sniff out dysfunction (although some predators do have an overdeveloped ability to seem "normal" during that all important first meeting).
Personally, the most frightening "relationship" I've ever had was with a young women I met at a college laundromat. She turned into a "Fatal Attraction" type stalker when I broke off the relationship after 4 weeks (by then I had a pretty good feel for her level of dysfunction)
On the flip side, in May I celebrate my third anniversary with my wife, who I met online through a pen-pal site, and after a while we moved into webcam discussions (since we were both wearing out our keyboards). She's smart, funny, beautiful, and I could not be happier.
The internet is a tool. If someone uses a tool properly, they get positive results. If the user is unable or unwilling to use the tool properly, the result can be less than desirable, even tragic. Don't blame the internet. Blame the people who misuse the tool. Jeff on Oct 12 2005, 05:01pm Reply
The key is to balance safety with living.
It is important to be aware of risks and dangers that exist in society, but I think that of all people, you Bob, would understand that to hide away simply because there is a chance of something bad happening is usually worse than the bad thing happening (and that is usually fairly unlikely to begin with).
Look at it this way. What factors make the internet more dangerouse than face to face contact. Well, simply that you can't see the bad guys face and you can't hear his voice. That does make a difference, but how many people do you know that you could tell were "bad-guys" by how they looked or sounded? The people that can charm you online can do it in real life too. You aren't safe anywhere.
I think it is important to understand the risks of giving information online, and especially important to protect yourself. But, remember, bad things can happen whenever you do anything, and don't let the minority of bad things rule your decisions about doing good things.
PS love the blog! Scott on Oct 12 2005, 04:58pm Reply
While I agree there are tragic stories of online relationships going offline, I'd like to point out that not all stories are like this. I met my wife on an online chat room. We met after about a month of online discussions; we've been together for over four years, and married for nine months.
I certainly agree that it's not wise to post personal details of one's life where any website travelers can view them. On the other hand, however, don't isolate yourself from all online discussions - sometimes you meet your better half! Mike on Oct 12 2005, 04:35pm Reply
Glad you wrote about this Bob.
I'm amazed at the amount of information people divulge about themselves online. This is not the early 90's anymore where internet access was limited. Nowadays every lunatic and psycho with access to the internet is out there surfing for profiles. Keep it discreet.
Just like real life you have to worry about the 1 or 2 wacko's. For example, you can cut people off on the freeway all day but only 1 or 2 will feel enough road-rage to follow you home. Same on the internet. Countless people can view your profiles but all it takes is 1 to become fixated on your wife, sister, daughter, mother, cousin, friend, etc.........and then you have problems.
So do as I do and take an alias.
Sincerely,
George Bush
p.s. Just don't make your alias too hard to believe ;D West on Oct 12 2005, 04:09pm Reply
Oops, I may have written Dennis 'Nader' when what I meant was Rader. I got a little distracted there at the end, sorry. Ruby on Oct 12 2005, 03:01pm Reply
I think the article is alarmist as well. You list names of people murdered online presumably to demonstrate that this happens all the time, but I'd like to see what percentage of murderers met their victim(s) online. Then I'd like to compare that figure to the percentage of murderers who met their victims at work, at a bar, through a friend or who murdered a family member. I believe the results would be akin to statisics that show that children are much more likely to be sexually abused by someone they know in real life, like a relative, a neighbour or a teacher/coach, then by a stranger.
You blatently ignore, (as a prevoius poster mentioned) the fact that thousands of people each day do in fact meet people online, without dire consequences. In fact many of them go on to develop into lasting friendships.
The fact that people lie online is also a flimsy argument, people lie in the real world to. Just maybe not about the same things.
I wonder if Dennis Nader had any skulls laying aroung his house, or if Ted Bundy was into goth. Hmm...
I have to agree with you, Bob (earring and all ) as I've watched the youngest generation grow up "online" and worried about how they feel everything there is safe when it's not.
I've run websites for almost ten years now, and the point of how safe you are online was driven home when a man drove up to my home one day because he found my information online (which is why I use Domains By Proxy!) and wanted to "talk" to me. We don't live in a major city. It wasn't easy to find the physical address, but he did. And it was scary to think anyone could have done it.
So my 'kids' (personal, and those I've taught over the years) are drilled in online safety, from virus protection to spam to personal information. DON'T send out your picture. DON'T say how old you are. DON'T set up phone calls or meetings. DO tell your parents when you meet someone new. PARENTS: DO monitor your children online! DO explain the hazards. DO stress communication within the family.
Bob, your topic is an extension of what happens when safety is ignored.
Funny thing is, I suspect this is a generational thing - we, um... 'elders' online [grin] have seen and/or experienced the issue first hand, while the younger generation(s), having grown up with the internet as a part of themselves, and simply don't perceive the danger.
Keep warning them. In Agreement on Oct 12 2005, 02:41pm Reply
I really appreciate the balanced viewpoint. As a person charged with the oversight of technology use by students in one of the top 10 largest school districts in the country, I can't help but notice that most of the posts are from adults.
In Agreement brings up a valid point about the younger "digital Natives" and their ubiquitous use of the internet for online journaling such as live journal or the slightly more nefarious myspace. It is truly amazing what is being posted by children younger than 13. The surge in camera phones has contributed to another level of concern as well.
I am dedicated to the idea of training children in responsible use of the internet for productivity and research, but many parents (especially ones who don't blog, and leave children unsupervised on the internet) have no clue what their 13 yar old is posting on the internet.
The internet is a wonderful tool And needs to be an integral part of education and our youth, but as reiterated, those who grew up with the technology tend to be more trusting of the online environment, than those of us who have come to it as "digital immigrants". George on Oct 21 2005, 07:50am Reply
Bob... get real. The sorts of things you mention happened before the internet, when people would meet "in real life". Does that mean we should all stay locked into our homes and never peek out?
I've done internet dating. I've met lots of lovely women, wound up seriously dating two (one of which I'm still with), and met a few weirdos along the way.
But you know what? I could have done that at local singles bars, too. A gal who meets a guy in a singles bar can't assume he is who he says he is, either; the locale of them first interacting (bar, internet, even a church) doesn't make a dang difference in the fact that there's some bad people out there.
The problem isn't really the internet. The problem is people don't use common sense- which most of your suggestions are. And there is definitely something to be said for having someone you trust personally vouch for someone.
But to slag on the net, or blame it for Taylor's murder, is just irresponsible and illogical. Paul on Oct 12 2005, 02:06pm Reply
I agree about the single's bars. I also have several friends, and a sister-in-law that got married to men they met either online or through personals - all of which have worked out very well. People do need to be careful, and I think the ways to do that are to use a pseudonym initially with a REPUTIBLE dating service, and withhold personally identifying information until you get to know that individual pretty well.
Personally, if I were single, I'd use a service like eHarmony as they are thorough and don't base things on looks alone. But one of the things I would require BEFORE going out on a lone date with someone, or giving them my home phone or address, etc... is a background check through a service that I picked out MYSELF. If they had nothing to hide, they'd be willing to do it - plain and simple, and I'd feel more secure about moving forward.
-Michelle
Interesting article Bob. While I've found myself typically nodding in agreement with your articles of past, this one had me shaking my head in disagreement.
While I cannot deny that there are instances where bad people take advantage of services like online dating website or chat rooms or online journals, I can deny that they are any more dangerous than meeting someone on a blind date set up by your mother, meeting someone in a bar you frequent, or meeting someone in a classroom at the school you attend.
Anytime anyone starts believing the world is filled only with reasonable and good people, they open themselves to unscrupulous characters. Now I'm not saying that bad things can happen to even the most studious. Bad things can and will happen to us all. But highlighting the .000001% of online encounters that went wrong doesn't mean that we should all boycott online chat rooms and dating services.
Throwing a personal spin on this, I have met dozens people over the internet and then in person over the last 10 years, none have committed any crimes you mentioned; my aunt met her current husband of 8 years (I think. Might be more) over an internet chatroom; my best friend met his current girlfriend over the internet. I could go on, citing a greater number of quality relationships for every horror story you've posted.
Ok, I think I should try to sum up my rambling here: Personal Information about yourself shouldn't be posted on the internet unchecked, but portraying the internet as a land of death and deception is just plain wrong.
Terry S
P.S. On a side note, I just purchased my first domain from you and went with a Website Tonight hosting package as well. Top notch stuff! Your tech support was HANDS DOWN the absolute best customer help line encounter I have ever had. Great stuff! Terry S (http://TheShillitoEmpire.com) on Oct 12 2005, 02:04pm Reply
Slight correction to my third paragraph: ". . . Now I'm not saying that bad things <b>CAN'T</b> happen to even the most studious."
You suggest that "warning mechanisms stem from having physical contact with an individual." Ultimately Taylor Behl met this guy in person and still decided to see him again right? Warning mechanisms come from any interaction with a person - not just physical. They can fail in person just as they can via the Internet.
I meet people at the store, parks, bars/clubs, and on the Internet. In each situation I can be deceived, stalked, attacked, or have harm intentionally brought upon me. You bring to light a few examples of "Internet Dating Horror Stories" - yet you fail to elaborate on the vast majority of horror stories that have nothing to do with the Internet. My cousin met a man at a hiking club and was assaulted and robbed by him on a hike she went on. Should hobbyist clubs be labeled dangerous and be avoided?
The reality is that anytime you decide to communicate with a stranger you are at risk. Meeting people on the Internet requires you to have a new set of guards up - but it is not inherently more dangerous as you have suggested.
Given the trends in technology, meeting people on the Internet is something that will become more and more common, like it or not. So I am not sure the stance "just don't do it" is very forward thinking.
This reminds me of the media frenzy surrounding shark attacks a few years ago. While worldwide shark attacks were actually down that year, the increased media coverage made it seem as though an epidemic was afoot.
Your piece could perhaps be a bit less alarmist, and more useful. Perhaps you could have suggested that just like under any other circumstances, if you're meeting someone for the first time, make it a public place where you feel comfortable.
While this whole online dating thing might seem scary to someone of your generation, Bob, I can assure you that millions of people in their 20s, 30s and 40s are going out on dates every night with people they met on online dating sites. Of those, I would suspect that there are relatively few people who get unexpectedly axe-murdered.
And while art, skulls and goth music might not be my cup of tea, I think it's amusing that you highlight those characteristics as evidence of his disfunction. Personally, I'm extremely wary when I meet a grown man with an earring, but that's just me.
Actually meeting in a public place really doesn't provide much in the way of protection. A scan of the examples I provide show that many of those murdered first met in public places. The Japanese couple met a racetrack and 40 minutes later the young woman was strangled to death.
The skulls and Goth stuff coupled with the child pornography and illegal firearms he was found to have in his possession are enough to suggest that this guy is bad news.
Dear Bob Parsons:
I appreciate your care for the others who could come in harms way when it comes to internet dating and think that it is good for someone to finally put out the dangers of internet meeting.Although I may be somewhat hypocritical in the sense that I had met someone off of the internet and we were quite happy.He never tried to kill me.I now see the dangers of doing so and it won't happen again.I just thought you should know that someone is taking your words with care and concern.And as for "you must be joking..."What are you retarded?A public place is no safer than a private place.It is really not that hard to drug someone and then rape them in the back of your truck.It is not like I have tried or experience this infraction but I have heard of it happening.So next time you want to meet someone in public at a mcdonalds or someother place your stupid-ass cant afford, remember that you will most likely die.
-Greta Parkinsons
p.s. You must be joking really must be refering to oneself seeing as though when I read your comments i think you REALLY must be joking....or on drugs.
p.s.s. As for Bob Parsons...an earring on a grown man is hott...keep up the good work! Greta Parkinsons (http://youdontevenknow.com) on Oct 28 2005, 08:40am Reply
I liked the article. If nothing else, it reminds people to be vigilant. We all live in "real life"...which now happens to have a quick and accessible way to connect with complete strangers, in a way that we simply couldn't before the advent of the Internet.
My specific comment about the concept of meeting in a public place is to point out what should be obvious. It sort of reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where he says something to the effect of, "The key to reservations is HOLDING the reservation. Anyone can just take a reservation." In that vein, the key to meeting in a public place is REMAINING in a public place with this person you just freaking met for the first time. So-called "meeting in a public place" is unrelated to a person's choice to subsequently go somewhere private, such as a vehicle, a residence or a hotel room.
It pays to be vigilant. Knowledge is power. Most of those tried and true cautionary recommendations have merit.
I, myself, was the potential victim for a rapist, years before the Internet became popular.
I was invited to a gathering at an upscale nightspot, by a very slick conman. Being young, at the time, I followed my mother's prior advice and employed "the buddy system". My fabulous friend joined me, and we were introduced to at least six other men and women at this gathering.
The conman's gorgeous (model) wife was part of his con, too. She helped to reassure the young women being "groomed" by her husband, as he bought us food and drinks and complimented us ad nauseum.
Within short order, my friend and I both saw him for what he was. However, she and I were having an okay time with the others and wanted to enjoy ourselves just a bit longer. I just thought he was full of it, and never planned to talk to him again. Still, we employed my mother's other prior advice, and "never [left] [my] drink unattended". My friend and I took turns going to the washroom, for instance.
Upon leaving, he and his wife insisted on walking us the 6 or so blocks back to our condo. We discouraged them, but they followed. We had very tight security at our building, so we weren't overly concerned. We went to bed and never thought about it again...until...
One day, the police contacted us. They said they'd been watching the man and his wife because he was under suspicion of drugging and raping dozens of women. They had been at the nightspot and had followed us home that night, too. They found out who we were by contacting the concierge in our building. They wanted to know if we'd had any further contact with this man and "Had anything happened to us?"
So, while this wasn't one of the terrible Internet stories, it just shows that caution is prudent when dealing with strangers. No one should feel silly for being reasonably cautious, and encouraging caution shouldn't be berated. It's only when caution turns to hysteria and/or is not based on real-world probabilities that it becomes foolish. I like you too on Oct 13 2005, 04:21pm Reply
I agree with "You must be joking" with regards to the goth music and skulls. It dilutes the point and makes you sound prejudiced. It's the pornography and illegal weapons that is a real red flag, but again I agree with "You must be joking" that there are predators everywhere and I don't see any QUALITATIVE data that the internet is any worse than many other venues. Remember, afterall, that Scott Peterson met Amber Frey THROUGH FRIENDS, generally considered a safer channel. Granted, Laci ended up dead, but Amber was dating a cold-blooded murderer she met though friends. He lied about his marital status, but you have a good point that via the Internet the lies can be much more dramatic like pedophiles posing as 8-year-olds, etc. that they would never get away with in person. I think that's the major point to consider. As far as the earring goes, not for me (you wanna put holes in my body you better bring a gun), but I don't judge you by it, and you can listen to all the goth you want (if you were so inclined). Bill on Oct 12 2005, 02:49pm Reply
Bill and You must be Joking,
Nothing prejudicial about looking at what a person says/wears/acts like and making a quick judgement about it. The skulls and goth music is not normal. We all wear pants, but we don't all have goth music/art websites, get it?
If you are walking along and you see something that looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, there is probably a good chance that at some point you'll step in some duck shit.
regarding the "TRUE" dating service, check out the ads they run for a good laugh. They run them on yahoo, hotmail, myspace etc.
EVERY ONE of them is of a 18-25 year old something beautiful bikini model in a provocative pose. How many of those models are paying TRUE members?! On those grounds alone I'd advise staying away from them. james (http://www.jameswasser.com) on Jan 14 2006, 10:34pm Reply
Charlie Davidson (http://www.dontbeavictim.org) on Aug 16 2009, 09:08pm Reply
hahahahahaha
FREEDOM!
Professor Hardy Lloyd (http://www.fascistworld.org) on Dec 4 2007, 12:13pm Reply
the online dating sites, of which there must now be thousands available on the Internet. Only a few of the most major such sites offer any type of psychological testing and/or
background informational searches to be accomplished on the users of the sites. Compatibility testing and matching really does not help filter out those who are attempting to make
use of the sites based upon scamming, criminal, or otherwise harmful motivations. Reviews of the only couple sites that offer users some degree of criminal background history
checking and unfortunately these checks have been reviewed as being too limited in scope; generally only limited to the police records in a single State or else useless as the focused
upon individual is making use of an alias or pseudo name in his/her communications with the site.
Just very recently, a new approach has been developed that addresses this very problem. A psychologist who has an extraordinary background in psychological test development, as
well as in security related integrity or honesty testing has developed this new tool. This psychologist has developed a rather short/quick psychological test, based upon well-established
and sound psychological test construction logic, that is designed to assess almost a dozen problem areas that are highly associated with personal integrity/honesty. This 72-item,
multiple-choice test, the Personal Security Standards Psychological Questionnaire (PSSPQ), has recently gone through a rather thorough testing when used to screen or otherwise
evaluate the general integrity of persons who were attempting to contact potential 'dates'; through the services offered by online dating sites. The PSSPQ has recently been made
commercially available to users of online dating sites. An extremely complete (and quite lengthy) description of the PSSPQ when used in the online dating arena for individual
evaluation purposes is available on: http://www.home.earthlink.net/~lastone2/psspqdatingtest.htm . On this PSSPQ website, many helpful links are provided that greatly aid a reader in
understanding and evaluating the PSSPQ, its development, and its developer, as well as the many dangers that face anyone making use of the online dating sites.
Dr. LeRoy A. Stone (http://www.home.earthlink.net/~lastone2/psspqdatingtest.htm) on Apr 20 2007, 07:32pm Reply
Do you know about new website LiveDateSearch.com? It's a new dating website where you can chat live with other users
and they can rate your profile and then you can see who likes you.
Create your own profile and you will know how popular you are
http://livedatesearch.com/
Alex (http://livedatesearch.com/) on Jan 23 2007, 07:16am Reply
cosmetical dentistry (http://wagps.com/cosmetic-dentistry/cosmetic-dentistry.php) on Jul 24 2006, 05:52pm Reply
Anonomous (http://sodkf.com) on May 21 2006, 08:20pm Reply
I put a website online for less than $20 per annum. Total - that includes registration through GoDaddy AND hosting through another hosting provider. Of course, I do all the technical stuff myself. GoDaddy didn't bother to mention that the price of privacy had dropped to $1.95 - I found that out when researching for my response to this blog entry. But 10% extra for privacy? I even suggested that Bob lobby for a change in ICANN rules to allow "non-business" website domain names to have only the contact email addresses available to the public - they can easily be changed if you own your own domain name because you have unlimited addresses. But if you are going to give privacy away free to NEW customers (anyone registering or transferring 3 domain names gets free privacy - that means companies will be more likely to get it than individuals) but NOT to the customers he promised he wouldn't forget - they have to pay.
Etc etc etc.
So how come my post hasn't yet appeared and neither have I got an email telling me it was rejected by the moderator? Of COURSE I didn't keep a copy of the text which took so long to prepare - heck, this is the blog of GoDaddy CEO and Founder - they wouldn't lose my post would they?
Or for "moderation" do I read "censorship for business purposes"? I don't think so.....
Peter Underwood on Mar 7 2006, 12:45pm Reply
Jamie on Feb 14 2006, 07:59pm Reply
lurgis (http://www.wesawthat.blogspot.com/) on Jan 5 2006, 05:40pm Reply
I strongly disagree. The net is just another means of communication. The internet is like the telephone was 100 years ago, or cell phones 10 years ago, or newspapers 200 years ago. It can be used for good or bad. What percentage of people that meet over the net have bad experiences? one tenth of one percent? No one has the stats.
Evil people meet in bars, clubs, schools, through friends, newspaper ads and in a 1000 other ways then the Web.
This article is scaremongering and is not backed up with logic or reason or evidence.
james on Jan 4 2006, 05:44pm Reply
Michael on Dec 6 2005, 11:11am Reply
james on Jan 4 2006, 05:56pm Reply
Ann on Jan 2 2006, 09:53pm Reply
Some users of the internet dating sites have been defrauded by persons they were corresponding with.
For example, they have been asked to cash a money order and provide the sender with merchandise and/or a portion of the funds from the money order.
However, the money orders turn out to be altered, or forged.
The fakes are often good enough that they are accepted by U.S. banks, so they aren’t detected until they reach the institution that supposedly issued them.
This has even occurred with U.S. Postal money orders, which are probably the most secure available.
For an example, see http://www.usps.com/postalinspectors/mofeatur.htm
Or search on "fraud dating site money order" and check out the 1,000,000 other items in the search results.
Merv on Dec 1 2005, 09:40pm Reply
Shane on Nov 29 2005, 06:48pm Reply
Without being paranoid, common sense, trust of ones own instincts and open eyes should prevail.
BobL on Nov 29 2005, 12:05pm Reply
-
hb
hb on Nov 21 2005, 08:41pm Reply
I thought this BBC News article may be of interest to you: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/4451606.stm
It discusses the fact that two online dating agencies (including match.com) have been accused of sending bogus emails to clients or using their own staff as 'date bait'.
All the best,
Chris
Chris on Nov 18 2005, 08:46pm Reply
Thanks for the heads up. Might be a good topic for Radio Go Daddy.
Appreciate your post,
Bob
bob parsons on Nov 18 2005, 09:53pm Reply
Nicole on Nov 8 2005, 12:23pm Reply
<sarcasm>So if you physically met someone then you could inherently trust them ? </sarcasm>
Trust is built and not something that should be given away to anyone freely , even after meeting them in person.
This doesn't pertain to online dating but I've conducted business over the internet for over 5 years and have only been scammed once. I trust several people that I've never met in person with financial information and very detailed pesonal information. You CAN develop a reputation online. You also can date safely. It just takes time. Trust doesn't happen overnight and details of your life shouldn't be given to anyone until this trust is built. . . in person or online.
Adam on Nov 15 2005, 12:00am Reply
background check (http://www.instantpeoplecheck.com) on Nov 1 2005, 02:40pm Reply
stephen hetherington (http://www.discountair.com) on Oct 29 2005, 12:56pm Reply
i'm not telling! (http://not saying!) on Oct 29 2005, 04:49am Reply
Joseph A Nagy Jr (http://www.joseph-a-nagy-jr.us) on Oct 28 2005, 04:57pm Reply
I've been using chat rooms for about 10 years now and it's just as easy (if not easier) to tell if someone is lying to you online as it is in person. Just be smart people!
Chad
Chad (http://www.spaceout.com) on Oct 28 2005, 03:08pm Reply
- Mr. Democrate (Its French!)
Alijohn G (http://www.yahool.com) on Oct 28 2005, 07:42am Reply
Catwooly on Oct 26 2005, 01:45pm Reply
William Chambers on Oct 24 2005, 07:02pm Reply
Larry Elder (http://wikipedia.com) on Oct 24 2005, 06:55pm Reply
Anonymous on Nov 21 2005, 08:45pm Reply
Gore did it, is that what you are saying. I blame Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, if they would of just became goat ranchers, none of this would even be to worry about.
Bob Parsons has helped with Dam good deals and service also,
shame on him.
Jim Bob
Jim Bob (http://www.joeamerica.org) on Oct 26 2005, 01:52pm Reply
Sorry There is People Ruining the news article
In my Retort: Myspace is to blame, and so is any blogs, sure blogs are a fun thing, but most of them are just THEM talking about their own lives, the internet is just the New "Little Annoying Brother Who Reads Your Diaries"
i made a blog posting about how much anime sucks, and i got a few bots giving me links to their ".hack Fan Art" Sites, and this thing called "yaoi"...whatever it is, it creeps the Hell Out Of Me!
Jordan Hass (http://livejournal.com/users/jordan_hass) on Oct 24 2005, 06:45pm Reply
<3 <3 <3
KC INSOMNIAC (http://myspaaaaaaaaace! OMFGOMFG) on Oct 28 2005, 08:26am Reply
taylor hampson (http://Google.com) on Oct 24 2005, 08:21am Reply
i am guessing andrew?
Jordan Hass (http://jordanhass.textamerica.com) on Oct 24 2005, 06:13pm Reply
Josh Brown (http://gay.com) on Oct 24 2005, 08:17am Reply
Jordan Hass (http://jordanhass.textamerica.com) on Oct 24 2005, 06:15pm Reply
As others have said, there are safe ways to meet people. The majority of the people i know, in fact, are people that I've met on the Internet.
But, of course be safe. If meeting- meet in a public place. As a woman, I always get THEIR phone number, and block my own.
If I decide to finally meet someone alone, I let someone know where and who I'm with, and they know to expect a call that I'm ok.
It's not so different from a blind date.
I like to think that the majority of people out there are safe, but I'm still careful.
As for kids- of course parents need to expres the importance of not giving out any information about thier real ID or location.
Patty on Oct 23 2005, 11:47am Reply
It always takes a while for behaviour to adjust to new technologies, and a Moral Panic is almost inevitable while that adjustment is happening. In the meantime, consider the value of anonymity to Internet users who live under repressive governments, who suddenly have a public voice for the first time.
David on Oct 23 2005, 10:56am Reply
Teri (http://no) on Oct 23 2005, 03:34am Reply
SC (http://www.scsource.com) on Oct 23 2005, 12:46am Reply
I'm a male, not any exceptional specimen but I do pretty well for myself, so I've never been truly worried about meeting people from online. I've probably met well over a hundred from online over the years, but the most exceptional would be the woman that I've been with for the past two and a half years. The woman that I will most definitely marry in the very near future.
More than anything I believe that a person can truly meet someone that touches them and makes them feel whole. The bottom line is that you must be very careful before you ever meet anyone face to face form online. Here are some suggestions from someone who is not only experienced in the matter but who took the extra precautions in order to make sure that not only I was safe, but the woman that I felt so close to would be at no risk:
1) Talk on the phone before you ever meet. Even if you have to buy a prepaid cell phone and talk only after 9pm, it's safe to you and more difficult for the average person to trace. My fiance and myself spoke online (In an online game) for over a year and then on the phone every night for six months and set the ground rules that we would be nothing more than friends. This was a safe bet and definitely a good plan to follow. You can learn a lot from just talking on the phone with a person, if you can speak for six hours every night for six months and not run out of things to say, it just can't be a bad thing right?
2) Never give any personal information publicly online, I'm not saying to lie about who you are, just make sure it's general enough that you won't find a stranger on your lawn at 3am.
3) Meet publicly in a safe ground. Females should try to meet a male with friends around and in some public location like a mall, cafe' or someplace similar. Keep initial meetings short and safe and never go off alone with them. The same thing can apply to males, even though for the most part they are at far less risk than females. The short meetings allow you to get to know the physical aspects of your new friend and to subject yourself to their mannerisms so that you can truly get the full aspect of their character and merit of their person.
4) Listen to any internal warning signs that you may have. always listen to yourself, your heart and mind are definitely looking out for your best interest. If you are creeped out, don't go any farther.
Keep safe when meeting people online, it can be a rewarding experience if done correctly.
~ Robert Vaughan
Rob Vaughan on Oct 22 2005, 12:54pm Reply
LadyJ on Jan 4 2006, 08:26pm Reply
Thank you for bringing this to our attention
Karen on Oct 22 2005, 08:32am Reply
Teri (http://no) on Oct 23 2005, 03:35am Reply
Peter (http://www.ninjanoodles.net) on Oct 21 2005, 09:38pm Reply
It's necessary for us to charge for private registrations because there is a high cost to properly administer them. In fact, it costs more to manage a private registration than one which is public.
The costs arise from dealing with inquiries from various law enforcement agencies and also intellectual property attorneys. Also because of the nature of the registration we are typically (albeit wrongfully) named in lawsuits that arise because of things like defamation, trademark and copyright violations, etc.
Appreciate your post,
Bob
bob parsons on Oct 22 2005, 04:50pm Reply
TN on Oct 23 2005, 03:24am Reply
Anonymous on Oct 21 2005, 04:54pm Reply
A woman in an Eastern state met a man online who lived in the Central Valley of California. The man sent the woman a bus ticket to visit him. He picked her up at the bus station and drove her to his house, where he promptly locked her in a metal cage and put a dog collar on her. He even brought his 13-year-old son to the house and handed the dog collar to the kid, and told the kid to put the dog collar on the woman. Then he informed the kid, "That's how you treat women."
Six days later, the father and son went to the grocery store, leaving the woman in the cage. The kid obviously had a brain in his head, because he deliberately left the cordless phone lying on the floor by the cage, within reach for the woman to use when they left. When the two left, the woman called a crisis hotline she saw on the TV set, which the man had left on to entertain the woman while he and the kid were at the grocery store.
The crisis hotline counselor informed the woman that what happened to her was kidnapping and false imprisionment and told her to call 911 so the address would appear on on the 911 operator's screen. The police came and rescued to woman and waited in the house until the man and his kid returned, then arrested the man.
Had that heroic kid not left the phone near the cage as he was headed out the door with his dad, that woman may have wound up in as just another Murder Story resulting from meeting someone on the Internet.
Paula Huff (http://www.tinboxacres.com) on Oct 21 2005, 04:00pm Reply
Look. 99% of my friends I ran across for the first time on the internet. I have since gone on to meet many of them in person. But I met them all in public places, I took my own damn transportation, and I had my own damn way out of there if they started freaking me out (or just annoyed me).
Sure, one of them could have talked me into going back to their place from the public area, probably. But so could anyone you meet in a bar.
My point is - there isn't some completely different set of rules for people you meet on the internet than there is in real life. You shouldn't agree to go to someone's house the first time you laid eyes on him, no matter WHERE you met him. And you shouldn't put info about where you live and where you're going to be on the internet any more than you'd put it on the wall at the bus station.
Just use common sense, people.
Mishell on Nov 18 2005, 06:21pm Reply
Dee on Oct 21 2005, 01:08pm Reply
Christine on Oct 21 2005, 09:46am Reply
james on Jan 4 2006, 06:08pm Reply
Background checks include information only from states/counties that voluntarily report the data. In Florida, we have 61 counties, of which LESS THAN A THIRD voluntarily report criminal information to background checking agencies, or even make the info available on their websites.
Background checks are basically worthless.
Mish on Oct 21 2005, 08:15am Reply
It is sooooooo sad and sooooo maddening that the friigging weakling predators prey on the trusting, the innocent and the physically defenseless. I am ALWAYS ready to go to war with dem frigging predators. By God, I hope someday I am lucky to catch one of them... I will make him wish he was never born. Some years back some frigging weakling predator tried to force his way into my girlfriends' place late at night. Fortunately I arrived just on the nick of time and he bolted and I pursued but he got away.
More power to you Bob! Keep up the good work. I am very impressed and very grateful that you devote your time, energies and resources in the service of humanity. I am 110 percent behind you buddy.
When all is said and done, I would rather have Bob by my side than some of the people who posted here. It is people like Bob that make this world a safer place. I am sick and tired of weak spineless men preying on the innocent. In the Islamic world we take care of people like that real fast! We have zero tollerance for predators - In America people make excuses for them, that is why there are so many of them.
Good work Bob!
LPower on Oct 20 2005, 10:30pm Reply
Cheers
james on Jan 4 2006, 06:11pm Reply
Keep on coming, Bob! This is a true revelation!
Best regards,
Benjamin
Benjamin (http://www.wanbol.com) on Oct 20 2005, 04:49pm Reply
I met my ex fiancee - and still good friend - on the Internet. She has touched my life in such awesome ways that I am still finding out, even three months after our breakup, just exactly how deep that goes. Is my experience an exception? No. Is Taylor's experience an exception? I only wish it were. Messages about how dangerous the Internet can be to meet people really need to be tempered with reason, as in all things, personal responsibility needs to begin when you agree to meet someone. What does that entail? Only meet in a public place. My ex and I met (with her friends in tow) at a Waffle House near her former dorm.
Guy friends I've met from online I first meet at the local Wal-Mart.
One should also carry mace, pepper spray, or some form of protection (tazer, hand gun, etc.).
If you aren't willing to take care to be safe, to some degree you are responsible for what bad happens to you. I don't think Taylor just capitulated when whomever killed her did the deed, but if she had taken some precautions - such as the ones mentioned above - she could very well be alive today.
So yes, let us mourn Taylor Behl, but let us also take this as a chance to review and change our own ideas on what to do when meeting someone from Online (or anywhere else if you haven't met in person first). Only that will see a dropping off of murders amongst people whom met in any way other then face-to-face.
And if you go to bars a lot, mace and pepper spray are good ideas to carry on you, as well as a cell phone. 911 is just three buttons away and your local PD should be on the speed dial.
Joseph A. Nagy, Jr (http://www.joseph-a-nagy-jr.us) on Oct 20 2005, 04:01pm Reply
Hopefully, news like this won't deter avid bloggers from making blogging their pasttime.
Jern from Pixel SEO (http://www.pixelseo.com) on Oct 20 2005, 02:51pm Reply
I understand how someone who doesn't use the internet for meeting people might make this post — I thought the same way before I did — but it's really closed-minded and alarmist.
Keith on Oct 20 2005, 02:33pm Reply
Actually it's not close minded, and it's not alarmist. The cold hard fact is that the internet makes it super easy for predators and other unsavory types to cast nets much wider for vulnerable individuals much wider than they ever could in a bar.
Because I no longer use dating services on the net (or other mediums to meet people like chat rooms) doesn't negate my thoughts here. Fact is that I did use dating services once upon a time and found them to be an excellent way to meet the wrong person.
Can someone meet their soul mate on the internet? Sure they can. They can also do it in a war zone. The fact that successful relationships happen in these areas makes them no less dangerous.
Appreciate your post,
Bob
bob parsons on Oct 20 2005, 09:23pm Reply
1. Fawley is only suspected. In this country, people are innocent until proven guilty.
2. Internet dating is merely a way to make initial contacts. Beyond that the same rules apply as any other circumstance. You have the same opportunties to evaluate a person in person as you do under other circumstances.
3. Did Bob compare internet dating to the much older "accepted" form of meeting people: while in a bar, intoxicated.
4. Look at the statistics and you'll see a low incidence of these occurances relative to other violent crimes. However, since the internet is NEW, characters like Bob target it for demonization. New = scary and dangerous. Interesting to hear this sort of thing coming from a successful internet entreprenuer. I guess he figures it will create a "caring" image.
The moral of the Behl story is much simpler. Use a little common sense before you meet someone new. Tell a friend or family member who you're meeting and where. And meet in a public place, initially. Otherwise, you'd better just stay at home. Don't go ourside, and don't talk to strangers!
Randy
Randall on Oct 20 2005, 10:19am Reply
Joseph A. Nagy Jr (http://www.joseph-a-nagy-jr.us) on Oct 20 2005, 09:41pm Reply
I've been dating on line for some time and while I believe your points are valid, you've ignored the dangers of the offline world. How about the Catholic Priests who've molested young boys? Did they meet their victims in a chat room or at church? Why not a column on the dangers of Mass? How about women who've been drugged at bars? I can't slip you a mickey over Yahoo IM. You think married men lie about being single on Match? Go to a dance club on a Saturday night and see what goes on.
But you certainly made some very valid points. Never give out personal information on the web. Parents need to monitor a child's activity in a chat room. That can not be said too many times.
Basically people need to use the same common sense on line that they use in everyday life. If you are going to meet someone that you've been chatting with online, make sure it is in a public place. Women should arrive early and be there before the person they are supposed to meet show up. Park away from the site and walk to the meeting place. Select a place where there are other businesses and do some shopping before you go back to your car. Check to make sure you're not followed. I think it's also a good idea to talk to a person before you meet him to gage whether or not you're a good match. But I would use a cell phone as that allows you more options to screen calls as well as engage coding which disables the receivers ability to ID the incoming call.
Bob it's very hard for people to meet each other when they get older. Many of us just don't like bars, work at small companies where there is very little chance of meeting someone and just aren't that religous. Online dating is really all there is unless you want to spend thousands of dollars and join a dating service. Sometimes those people don't do very good back ground checks either. People that have used these services have been raped and murdered
too.
All in all, the world is a dangerous place but being alarmist about it doesn't necessarily solve anything. Being careful does. And that's what should be emphasized.
Yours,
Nat
Nat on Oct 19 2005, 10:02pm Reply
Domain Radio Show Assoc of US (http://www.saveaharley.com) on Oct 19 2005, 08:48pm Reply
S.Rigdon on Oct 19 2005, 12:05pm Reply
Consider the millions of people who regularly meet online, now note the incredibly small number of mortalities that spring from those meetings. Next, look at meetings in bars, shops, workplaces, parks, etc. and measure the number of mortalities that result from those. You'll be surprised to learn that they are still small — I'll wager they are more numerous than those from internet meetings, but still small.
If you want to really talk about the vast majorities of murders then look at the facts: almost all murders are committed by husbands, brothers, fathers, or boyfriends of the women they murder.
But even this is not as bad as it seems because rates of violent crime have been decreasing for as long as records have been kept. The world is becoming a safer place. You wouldn't know it by listening to the mass media who have everybody whipped up into a frenzy of pointless fear... sadly, even Bob has been affected it seems.
Miriam (http://miriam-english.org) on Oct 19 2005, 12:37am Reply
I just registered a .BE domain and I can't add privacy to it =|
Jonathon on Oct 18 2005, 11:54pm Reply
We don't offer privacy on .BE domains because the associated registry does not allow us to do so.
Appreciate your post,
Bob
bob parsons on Oct 20 2005, 11:48am Reply
Are you going to advertise during the Super Bowl Next year? Please say you are. Awesome commercial last year!
George Stec on Oct 18 2005, 07:55pm Reply
We're still thinking about it.
Appreciate your post,
Bob
bob parsons on Oct 20 2005, 11:15am Reply
Wanted to wish everyone a fantastic SHOW NUMBER THRITYYYYYYYYYYYY. This is absolutely amazing. Congrats.
David
David Rosen (http://www.huntingtonyouthcourt.com) on Oct 18 2005, 07:18pm Reply
I met my husband online via Yahoo! personals. I was a freshman in college and he had just moved here from Maryland. In no way am I saying that the best way to meet people is online. It works for some while others have bad experiances.
We exchanged e-mails and talked on the phone before metting in person. And when we did meet, I told EVERYONE in my dorm where I was going and who I was going with. Before I even met him face to face he had to go through my "bouncer" (the guy who ran the front desk of the dorms) before he could even take me anywhere. The important thing with meeting people online is letting your friends and family know what is going on. I let my friends know where we were going and when I should be back. It may seem like over kill, but you have to ask you self, I just met this person online, I know I've been honest with my information, but I can't be positive that they are being honest with me. It doesnt matter if you have been taking to the person for two days or two years online. You should still heed the warnings that are posted on whatever site you choose to meet people on. Be smart about it, let people know what your doing where your going, meet in a crowded area, do a buddy date whatever it may be.
This is good statagies to take for meeting anyone for the first time online or not. Online however gives more anominity and it makes it a hundred times easier to lie about your intentions.
Anyway keep up the good work Bob.
Danika
Danika (http://www.myverycool.com) on Oct 18 2005, 02:09pm Reply
P.S. There's no other place I'd buy domain names but Go Daddy. I used to pay Register.Com $35 bucks a year plus another $35 to do a really bad job forwarding. Now I pay not much more than that total for a BUNCH of domain names with free forwarding that works flawlessly.
Mel Gibstone (http://www.thatphonething.com) on Oct 18 2005, 09:28am Reply
Teens are particularly vulnerable, as they tend to post so much personal information online, using their blogs as they would a private diary for their hopes, fears and future plans.
Thanks Bob for the post, and I have sent it to both my teens as another reminder to practice "safe 'net."
Irene
Irene on Oct 18 2005, 06:23am Reply
Read the newspaper. How many murders were a result of an internet relationship? Very few.
Ask any criminologist or law enforcement worker. The vast majority of murders and sexual abuse come from real-life relationships - family members, neighbors, and co-workers.
That's the truth.
Mark on Oct 17 2005, 11:35pm Reply
THANK YOU, Mr. Parsons, for addressing an issue that will only GROW to become a bigger problem. The naysayers may want their children online, but you know what - it is the entire community's responsibility (though everyone is entitled to his opinion) - schools, parents, National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, Lost Child Network - to prevent as many child abductions as possible, or teenage abductions or otherwise.
Anyone who believes this issue is not important can go ahead and continue to blog details of THEIR lives. Online.
Education is the key. Mr. Parsons raises some very salient points about all of this. We can't afford to stick our heads in the sand. Criminals and pedophiles are internet-savvy these days, and our first line of defense is to prevent it from happening.
Parents, talk to your children or teens about Internet blogging. During a very confusing time in a kid's life, when they most want friends and comfort, strangers will find ways of contacting our kids and make them vulnerable, even if Taylor was lured by this particular individual. This is a real threat that will continue to grow, unless it is STOPPED.
Teri (http://Do not wish to share it) on Oct 23 2005, 03:31am Reply
The best place to meet your sweetie is at Big Box Mart, down at the Shopping center. We know because we are having a lot of fun with our www.BigBox-Mart.com website playing the best Jib Jab ever.
We are getting so many people that are asking about the New BIG BOX MEETING GROUP we are going to have each week in some Walmart stores.
James Robert Bigglesworth
James Robert Bigglesworth (http://www.zoodoodle.com) on Oct 17 2005, 04:19pm Reply
Ken Harvey on Oct 17 2005, 02:11am Reply
- nolan
Nolan Eakins (http://nolan.eakins.net/) on Oct 16 2005, 11:09pm Reply
That's why we offer our Domains By Proxy service which removes your name and contact information from the whois and replaces it with its own. If you're interested in this — which we call a private registration — call customer support and they will be glad to help you out.
Appreciate your post,
Bob
bob parsons on Oct 17 2005, 09:17am Reply
Loved last week's radio show, and your brother Al was right about the information segment - though I suppose weird news would be okay now and then too.
I also really want more shows featuring tdnam strategies as I really want to be a success at auctioning domains. One simple thing that would be beneficial to sellers would be for your to allow us to see what names are finally sold for (i.e. a section of closed listings over the few weeks like ebay provides in their advanced search function.) This would help us see what types of names are selling, and help us determine where to set our asking price.
Anyway, I am very excited about the tdnam opportunity and will be glad to learn more from you and your radio guests. Keep up the great work.
-Michelle D.
Michelle D. on Oct 16 2005, 10:20pm Reply
I like your suggestion (as always). I'll pass it along and maybe we'll get it implemented.
Appreciate your post,
Bob
bob parsons on Oct 16 2005, 10:58pm Reply
Laura on Oct 16 2005, 08:35pm Reply
Truth be told, the same rules apply whether you're online or face to face.
Let your guard down for one second, and you are asking to be victimized.
Sad, sad story nontheless.
PS: What did your staff do to the radiogodaddy web site?
I tried to listen to the last show, and when I went to the website, I hear "David Lawrence Presents....." and then the web browser crashes! Neat trick David.....and for his next act, he'll crash your email client
Mad HuNGaRIaN on Oct 16 2005, 08:22pm Reply
I just checked the RadioGoDaddy site and it seems to work just fine. Who knows that happened when you checked it.
Appreciate your post,
Bob
bob parsons on Oct 16 2005, 10:56pm Reply
I am very trusting and your article has opened my eyes. Thank you.
Thanks for the job too!
JD
JD on Oct 16 2005, 04:09pm Reply
Thanks Bob, now I can scratch JD off of my list of chicks that are not afraid to date me.
Your Friend,
Bobb Cobb
Bobb Cobb on Oct 17 2005, 05:28pm Reply
Christine (http://www.planetcrimson.com) on Oct 16 2005, 03:33pm Reply
Sure, statistically you can try to minimize the topic/content of this blog. But I guess some of you 'live a life of danger' and-> continued to buy Tylenol when a couple packages were laced with poison years ago, didn't think twice about flying after Sept. 11, and never wear 'protection'...figuring no one will ever get pregnant. Need I add more examples of situations that can be minimized by statistics but have been generally been recognized/reacted by the majority?
I like these points:
1. The internet is exactly the wrong place to make details about your personal plans available to the public.
2. Predators look for easy and vulnerable prey. They are always scanning.
3. If you make your personal details public, and are willing to form relationships based on contacts you make over the internet - you are vulnerable.
I would like to add that we have new generations having been 'weaned' on the internet. Parents should educate their children and closely monitor internet activity. This topic could certainly include many cases of predators engaging kids in chatrooms.
The internet 'can be forever'...unlike meeting someone in public, your personal (posted) information may linger on well beyond your memory of the date of the entry.
Suggestion #1 includes 'specific details and plans' about your personal life. No one really needs to know that 'KathyinSanFran goes to the Starbucks on Main st. every Friday night at 10pm with her small Cocker Spaniel' yet I am sure many of us have seen similar postings.
Bob, great topic....and fun discussion!
RockyB
RockyB on Oct 16 2005, 02:24am Reply
Uncustomer on Oct 15 2005, 05:13pm Reply
It is also true that this article ('Why the internet can be a bad place to meet people') was posted on www.bobparsons.com and NOT www.godaddy.com ! Therefore, you are mistaken (I am being polite at this point) to claim that the purpose of this website is 'to attract customers to a business' as this blog clearly serves the purpose for which it was intended as defined above.
I have been a customer of GoDaddy.com for over 8 years and the service they provide is second to none. It is also provided at an affordable and more than competitive price. The fact that GoDaddy.com's president and founder, Mr Bob Parsons chose to establish a blog does not interfere with GoDaddy.com's ability to deliver their service, nor does it lesson the respect I have for GoDaddy.com despite whether I agree or disagree with some of Mr Parson's articles.
I can only summise that you work for a competitor of GoDaddy.com (if such a company exists in the market today). I am self employed, and being honest, I would hate to have a customer like you, but maybe it is people like you that keep a lot of the other twisted domain registrant companies in business today !
Keep up the good work Bob ! I really enjoy your blog at times...
Dan
Dan Murray on Oct 18 2005, 07:30am Reply
whoknew on Oct 17 2005, 03:45am Reply
Well, about this article: I disagree that the internet is as dangerous as you portray here. The internet is no less safe or no more harmful than telephone chatlines or taking a walk through a park.
To say that a handful or even hundreds of murders and rapes have happened from the internet (over a BILLION people online) and not also report how many car accidents are in this country or that country. And how many rapes and murders from just living your life in your town/city.
If you were to research even a thousand of these cases that is pretty good comparitively to the much safer face to face meetings everyday. I could go to the grocery store right now and on the way to get there get run over or hit with a car, get mugged before I get to the store, get raped walking back to my car, or even stung by some west nile bug
Alyssa on Oct 15 2005, 05:21am Reply
I don't think that the point Bob is making is that the Internet is more unsafe that the rest of the world. People often think of the Internet as being anonymous and it is easy to let your guard down. These criminals like it when people let their guard down and then they strike.
I teach a few technology course and I try to focus a lot on security. I tell me students about hardware and software solutions for security but my biggest point is that they have to use their heads. It does no good to have all the security checks in place, have all the background information checked on a person and to totally ignore your common sense.
Sam Anderson on Oct 20 2005, 10:48am Reply
I think it's a bit of a jump to conclusions to say that the Internet is the "last" place you'd want to meet someone. I would personally much rather meet someone on the Internet than in a bar. On the Internet, you are free to ask any questions you want and unless you're stupid about your personal information there's no way anyone can physically threaten you until you make yourself personally available to them. And if you use some common sense and talk to someone enough before you agree to meet them, if they're not being on the up and up there's often something that just doesn't add right. Like if they don't want to give out pictures of themselves, or if they don't want to meet in a public place, etc etc.
Conversely, in a bar, you're already in a place where you're physically there. Since it is a bar, obviously alcohol is often already involved. And once you meet someone in a bar, if they want to stalk you, there's nothing physically preventing them from doing so other than watching closely in your rear view mirror of your car and alertly getting to a public place or a pay phone or calling 911 from your cell. Regardless, the escape mechanisms are more difficult from this point forward than they are on the Internet if you use some sense. If someone's a scumball on the Internet, you insist on meeting them in a public place first and don't allow them to know anything more about where to find you until you're sure you can trust them. On the other hand, in a bar you're already physically there, you're already in harm's way.
It all comes down to using some sense and making sure you're careful about who you allow to find you. If you're not careful in any environment, and you run into someone who wants to kill you badly enough, odds are you're in pretty bad trouble no matter what medium you're using to meet people. The Internet might create another veil that allows people to not let you know who they are until it's too late, but that's a two way street: it also is another veil that allows you to not let them know who you are until you're sure you can trust them.
Eric F
Anonymous on Oct 15 2005, 03:00am Reply
Personally I think most of you people are out of your friggin minds. You concerned about killers using the internet. Im sure its happened and will happen again. The weak (or naieve) will die and the strong (or cautious) will survive. If you eliminate your chances of being killed then chances are you will miss one. You should embrace life and live it for what its worth. Stop being a bunch of pussy Americans. Using the internet by the way is a stupid medium. Its traceable, most people are a distance away from you and already cautious of it. You can meet someone at your local grocery store much easier and could kill them before anyone knew it.
Jesse Chadwick on Oct 14 2005, 08:26pm Reply
I met my wife on the internet and we've been happily married for over 6 years and I know lots of other couples who have met and got married. As in real life you have to have some common sense and spend time to know the real person. You can do this online far more easily and safe than the often practised habit of meeting someone in a nightclub one night and jumping into bed with them an hour later,
Andy (http://absoblogginlutely.net) on Oct 14 2005, 07:06pm Reply
I met my wife online and we just celebrated our 5th wedding aniversary last week. Our meeting was totally random using an online chat client 'ICQ' back in 1997 / 1998. We talked for several years online before deciding to meet face to face. So I flew out here to Arizona in October 1999 where we fell in love with eachother, we were married in England in October 2000 and moved Arizona just after planes started flying after 9/11. Our daughter was born in June 2003 and we both work for you here at GoDaddy.
ICQ posted our story and we helped many couples with Visa information and giving advice to couples who met online from different countries.
I agree, it can be dangerous. But so can driving to work or walking down the street. Sometimes you just have to take the risk for love / happiness. For every horror story that makes its way into the news, there are 10's / 100's of happy stories like my own.
Regards,
Roger H.
Roger H on Oct 14 2005, 02:59pm Reply
MQ
Mr Question (http://www.yelldamit.com) on Oct 16 2005, 04:27pm Reply
There was a time when I tried dating over the internet and had no luck. The three women I met all were dishonest regarding the information they posted — so I quit the internet dating altogether.
My wife and I met in person and the internet was not involved. Regarding where I would be without the internet, I can only guess.
Appreciate your post,
Bob
bob parsons on Oct 16 2005, 10:54pm Reply
Mr.Q
M Q on Oct 17 2005, 01:06am Reply
Great post to bring attention to this. You ended your post with the following: "Many individuals have been victimized by those they have met, many have even been murdered. Since the internet is just getting started I suspect the nightmare stories we are now hearing about are just the beginning."
I just wanted to contradict those points with the points you made:
1. The internet has been around for a while. Multiply that by ten if you count in computer years and it has always been a place to do illicit activies since the early days of BBS.
2. Not to belittle the tragic situation involving Taylor Behl, my heart goes out to her family. But your point of girls meeting a bad guy on the internet can coincide with girls meeting a bad guy in Aruba. My point is both guys are bad news but the internet was just a form factor. Both guys had to really manipulate their environment and took advantage of the girls in order to get close to them and the internet can not do that for you.
3. I first went on an internet date back in 1999. It wasn't as acceptable back then as it is now but my point is that the risk involved is still the same. There was a documentary on this summer about online dataing. I forgot what it was called but it was on ABC and it followed couples on their internet dates. It's more comical than a what-to-do documentary. On one date, the guy flew in from Atlanta and stayed over at the girl's apartment, sleeping on the couch. The girl made it a point to call her friend who was a police officer and told her that he was sleeping over right in front of the guy. This was good practice even though the guy said on camera that it wasnt necessary to do that.
My point is if you are going to meet people on the internet for the first time, do so in a controlled environment where your friends are aware. Or an environment where you are in the company of someone and it would not be wise to try anything foolish. It's a good way to mitigate the risk of meeting someone dangerous on the internet, yet most are embarassed to do so.
Ivan on Oct 14 2005, 12:49pm Reply
As I read the post, I had rather mixed feelings since I have been online from the early days (from my days at the University of Illinois when they released Mosaic in 1994) to today as a parent of a young child. I believe that we all seem to forget that the Internet is a relatively young medium that has been adopted quite quickly by the large masses. As with any new medium or technology, there are kinks that get worked out either by the designers or the people that use the technology.
It is sad to hear that we preach freedom in the same breath as we speak the words of censorship and validation and registration of all people who want to communicate online.
It is up to all of us to be honest in our dealings with people on/off line. Dealing with people is more difficult as you are not able to read body language and other visual cues that may help you best determine your level of comfort or lack there of. The web allows people annonimity and sometimes as cited by your examples, is used wrongly.
Protection from bad things should start at the home and we should not be policing the internet to keep people from shooting themselves in the foot if they do not heed the warning messages harked by the media and others... This education starts in the home at a very young age when we teach our 2 year old not to trust stangers... this training should also be carried onto the online realm as it is no different than meeting a stranger in person.
Good post - I think this will be a very heated and debated issue for a long time to come - and as we progress as a race - maybe we will look to compassion as our choice of action versus violence and that will hopefully translate into a better world on and offline
Thanks
VeganBoy
Vegan Boy Jones on Oct 13 2005, 08:17pm Reply
- Thomas Benfall (1070 words ;D)
Thomas Benfall (http://www.thomasbenfall.com) on Oct 14 2005, 08:06pm Reply
I just wanted to let you know that you're views on the real Internet world are very true. There are too many bad stories about people being killed, etc. If people would realize that the Internet is not a moderated and maintained environment, I think we would all be better off. Not to say that the Internet is all bad, but there are some people out there that are just plain wrong. All of the people that you mentioned probably didn't even realize that they were vulnerable to these attacks by predators. To think that we have children as young as 5 on the Internet is somewhat horrible. Being a computer person that has been around for some time to experience most all of it, I can safely say that most of the average Internet users will post personal information online. I just don't understand why people would want to put sacred, personal information online for all to view. As we are all firmly convinced, not all the people in our world are good people. Most of them are, but there is still that small margin of the bad ones. Hopefully from your blog, people will be safer, and smarter online.
Bob, you always make a good point. I don't care what you are talking about, you always make a firm and agressive statement that really stands out. I'm sure everyone agrees that your views are very, very true no matter what the situation.
Your frequent caller into Radio GoDaddy,
Drew
Drew (http://www.conglomorate.com) on Oct 14 2005, 04:18pm Reply
The alarm was good, whether or not hard or biased.
INTERNET USERS MUST be aware and precautious.
That's your mission to warn, and God bless your courage.
In fact I was checking the data of a domain when I read your posting. I also read all the responses very delighted. Good job Bob!
BTW, I was checking the data of a potential employer (eh)... who posted a news paper ad sort of "make you millionaire with a internet job", and they show in their website "wonderful" pictures of "wealth" and their happiest "themselves"... oh dreamland... I don't know if I shed my tears, or laugh about one more joke again... darn - never mind...
Bob, I love your earring! It looks very good on you.
Grace on Oct 13 2005, 07:17pm Reply
If you spell Internet backwards it is Tenretni which means nothing as far as I know in English but sounds like it could mean something in another language.
It is a registered domain name of course.
Kym on Oct 13 2005, 05:14pm Reply
Anti-Goth on Oct 13 2005, 03:15pm Reply
Duh. on Oct 18 2005, 04:58pm Reply
Goth is in a loose way the same at least as far as Style and trends etc. There is a national chain store in most malls in the country that has for years sold mostly Black clothes, yes Skulls etc.....it has been very popular and done well until last few years, its NOW everywhere...EVERYTHING GOES MAINSTREAM...and has effects on fashion and style. I am in the fashion business and thats pretty much all I see here. Some Old men wear Yellow pants and golf shirts...They scare my doggie sometimes. I am a 60 year old man, I happen to like Black tees and Jeans etc. I have been on the "Inside of Goth (what ever that means) houses, had them work for me, had a girlfriend (much younger than me) that you might call "Goth" she collected bones, liked to visit grave yards when traveling around the country.. Yes these people seem or at least LOOK a little weird, so what. There have been Style, Fashion and Music related Fads etc for years. You better worry about the KKK and people that dress up on weekends in Camos and play Army out behind there house...these people have Guns that could really hurt!
Whats any of this got to do with Weird'O closet Jerk Offs that sit on the computer to get there jollies...Preachers, Teachers, Cops and yes maybe your neighbors...Get real, If you are not one of the weirdos you should support Bobs topic.
jimbob on Oct 14 2005, 01:13am Reply
Regarding this topic, I agree with some that just because the person was interested in art and goth culture, it does not make them a danger - probably just depressed! The rest certainly does make this guy a threat. Unfortunately, the low life types tend toward the darker sides of our culture. But in all things, including the darker sides, there is some beauty.
As a man who has been trying (unsuccessfully) to find Ms. Right online for a while, I can personally speak to the number of broken people I find online. Your points are all dead on about the skills we can't use online to weed out the deranged. It has, however, forced the development of new survival skills, which have worked well for me. The most important of which is a simple one - honesty - one, even small, lie and the person is history. To many games are played, and too little simple sincerity and honesty. If a person sincerely wants to find another soul - games are not the way to find that person (in MHO).
Another skill that works well is "Total Disclosure". Get all the information out quickly, and make it somewhat verifiable, then work on the emotions. If people would just use some basic common sense, and honesty to the web, it would be much easier to find a suitable mate.
Anyway, thanks for the blog, thanks for the GoDaddy service, and keep blogging onward.
Tim McG., Ph.D.
Tim McG (http://www.mcguinnessonline.com) on Oct 13 2005, 12:05pm Reply
Traci
www.totallytraci.com
Traci (http://www.totallytraci.com) on Oct 13 2005, 11:19am Reply
I am usually a fan of your blog, but I have to say that I am disappointed in this post.
Seems like a bunch of anecdotal sensationalistic "evidence" of the type we are accustomed to reading in the mainstream media.
You could just have easily discussed all of the women who have been beaten by men they met in church. I am sure were to you to put forth the effort you could find all kind of examples of such.
I particularly enjoy your business related posts. Keep up the good work.
Mitchell
Mitchell Herman (http://www.FlatRateRealty.com) on Oct 13 2005, 04:46pm Reply
I think you are being very biased and unfair in your quote describing Ben Fawley as disturbing and his interests of "art, Goth culture and skulls" and THEN listing the pornography and illegal firearms. This almost goes along the same lines of violence in video games effecting violence in Real Life.
I guess the point is, you pointed out "art, Goth culture and skulls" as disturbing, and I really don't think such accusations should be made unless you know a person personally.
In a more general note, your whole post is just way too negative. I am normally very inspired by your posts... but this, this is like something that would be on the news (I can't stand watching tv news). Yes yes... I understand, people kill each other, internet is another danger, video games cause violence, turn off the coffee maker in the kitchen, etc. This kind of stuff is really nothing new, and I'd rather hear about technical innovation, creative thinking, problem solving, and so on.
With that said, you have a lot more life experience/knowledge than I do, so we are probably just looking at things from a different perspective.
David K
Sirfrummel (http://www.sirfrummel.com) on Oct 13 2005, 10:31am Reply
Alli on Oct 13 2005, 09:58am Reply
according to all the information I heard, Taylor met Ben when she was visiting her friend Mike Cino in february in Richmond. Ben was Mike's roommate. After that, they maintained a relationship mostly online.
So I think it is not accurate that they met online.
Regards.
Karl
Karl on Oct 13 2005, 12:22am Reply
Gregory (http://www.ricotierra.com) on Oct 12 2005, 11:52pm Reply
Terry S on Oct 14 2005, 10:32am Reply
I heard you were going to do the subject of this blog next week on the Radio show. I think this subject is SO BIG and it hits so, so many 12 to 24 year olds and their parents. This COULD bring by far your Biggest online, radio/podcast ever! I think it is worth getting out news releases to the networks and papers. If you could have a guest that is in jail or re-hab from this and perhaps victums.
Coming from a company that makes its living with internet related products and you standing up and taking this position on this, is BIG TIME. I just hope we (you) can get some media coverage doing it and that it goes great. So many people I come in contact with use the internet to meet and chat this way and are subject to these issues. As you say its just getting going and it really needs to be looked at and brought to everyones attention TO HELP THE WEB, if left unchecked it will hurt the internet and its usefulness in future years.
JimBob
JimBob (http://www.jimbobjenkinks.com) on Oct 12 2005, 11:05pm Reply
The Internet can be a dangerous place, but then so can the "real world".
To flat out state that you should never meet anyone in person from online is absurd.
What about Computer User Group meetings?
And frankly many couples have met online and ended up getting marrying. I know of several.
Minors is another matter though. But the way you write this it's as if to say don't ever contact anyone from online ever.
I do agree that posting your personal information onlnine is a bad idea, which is why I don't. I also use a pseudonym.
I'd not want to piss off any employers at some point in time.
Scott (http://angrykeyboarder.com) on Oct 12 2005, 10:56pm Reply
I enjoyed this show the most of any I have heard. Loved the Domain thing that replaced the Weird News tonight.
The show seemed loose but good, it was "GoDaddy Rich & Good!" I really think David L. ads big time to the show in both production and content quality. I would like to get his show also, does he have a podcast or online show also?
Good Going!
Joe
Joe (http://www.zoodoodle.com) on Oct 12 2005, 10:43pm Reply
David does add to the show. For listening info on his show please visit http://www.thedavidlawrenceshow.com/
Appreciate your post,
Bob
bob parsons on Oct 12 2005, 10:52pm Reply
The internet is old to most of us, however everyday someone new finds all the internet has to offer. We live in dangerous times, unfortunately we always have. It's only in the past 10 years or so that bad news has entered our living rooms, bedrooms and sometimes back pocket from all over the world on a 24 hour basis.
Bob, thank you for being one of the few voices online that makes it clear, the rules that apply offline still apply online. Being stupid, unaware and plain lazy can, and does, get people killed. The message needed to be said, you had the guts to say it.
Statistics can be manipulated to make a point on both sides of the issue, just as religion, politics and public opinion passed off as journalistic objectivity.
I think those who are doing the most protesting are the very ones who require the most scrutiny. Doing things that make you a 'mark' is nothing to be proud of.
Again, thanks Bob for starting this lively discussion and for speaking up for those who needed are no longer here to speak for themselves.
Janine on Oct 17 2005, 12:20am Reply
Internet dating is no more dangerous than any other kind of dating. Traditional dating is full of date rapes and murder stories too.
You can find exceptions to the norm and horror stories on any subject. We must always be careful with ourselves - be it crossing the street, dating, what we eat or whatever. I once heard of someone choking and dying on a carrot. But I for one am not going to stop eating these dangerous vegetables.
When you meet someone online you can spend some time trying to get to know something about them. As in ANY first dates, meet and part in public places and don't give out any more information than you feel comfortable with.
Internet dating works. I know this for a fact with first hand experience and through the experience of a number of my close asscociates. Sure beats meeting singles in bars.
Ron on Oct 13 2005, 07:57am Reply
I actually subscribe to a number of the sites out there. These things are good to know.
Let me give you an example of why that bill that True is trying to get passed would NOT work.
Let's say a woman was convicted of some felony like escape for signing-up for one of those work crew details and not showing up to complete it because of no transportation at 5am to get to a rural location to go do the work.
Under True's membership rules, this person is a convicted felon and cannot join. No if's, and's, or but's - no exceptions.
Or let's say there is a man who ran around with the wrong crowd some 20 years ago and got charged for felony forgery over some stupid circumstances. He cannot join True. No if's, and's, or but's - no exceptions.
Yes, I agree that there need to be checks and balances where dating sites are concerned. But I also think that denying someone with a felony conviction access to dating services is wrong. Let's say it was a first offense and no jail or prison time, yes they are 'technically' still considered a 'convict'. But True's membership rules are biased with concern to time that has passed combined with nature of conviction. Of course a sexual predator or murderer should NEVER be allowed to join any dating sites.
But denying access to services on all dating sites because of a felony conviction WITHOUT taking into consideration the nature of the crime that had been commited is wrong in my opinion.
Violent felony criminals should be restricted from the internet, period. We all were young once and made a few mistakes that we have put behind us, and even moved on with our lives and became better, more productive human beings.
I would have to stand opposed to that bill unless there were to be some MUCH needed revisioning to it's requirements.
I mean, if non-violent and minor felonies now, what's next? Misdemeanors? Parking violations & traffic tickets?
As far as parking violations go, if they add those later on, I'll be kicked off True for sure!
Not everything about True is bad. They screen for married people as well. In fact, when I signed-up they asked if I was still married to my ex-wife! I answered no honestly and don't mind them checking up on that. It keeps the playground safe for the rest of us kids
drowninginjello (http://www.drowninginjello.com/) on Oct 12 2005, 10:32pm Reply
Herb Vest lost his father to tragic circumstances. His father was murdered by a stranger. I don't know the exact statistics of adult victims who were murdered after meeting someone online, but I do know that Herb's father wasn't one of them.
Herb Vest has made it his personal quest to ban even non-violent criminals from ever interacting with society. I'm not talking about repeat offenders who continue to screw-up no matter how many times they get a chance to redeem themselves. I'm talking about NON-VIOLENT crimes.
What happened to Mr. Vest's father was a tragedy. But it happened long before the internet in its current state was developed. Yes, we do need background checks and ways to keep married people from participating. I will not argue that point at all.
But according to Mr. Vest, he supports ANYONE_WHO_HAS EVER_BEEN_ARRESTED_ being banned for life from using his or any other dating service. If this bill is passed in its current conception without a revision, it will be legal prejudice and bias against anyone who has been arrested. Yes, other dating services will have the choice of NOT doing criminal background checks, but Mr. Vest says he doesn't understand why Match.com's CEO won't join the support for the bill.
Match.com respects members privacy, but provides links to Ask.com and suggests that members do a background check if they feel it is safer for them. Why go to the extreme of forcing everyone to comply with your will because you have a hidden republican agenda? Yes, I'm giving this whole bill a poitical face.
Look at that link to True about the bill. 'Divorce-Free America'? I'm a Christian AND a Liberal, and I see a hidden agenda in this bill that goes beyond 'felony convictions'. I will comply with something if I feel it is in my best interest, but I sure as heck won't comply to someone elses ideals if I feel they are wrong or have a hidden agenda.
On my website http://www.drowninginjello.com, I'm going to be revamping the menu. I'll have my personal blog, my Liberal Viewpoint BB, and my ~Jiggles~ dating service. ~Jiggles~ is free for anyone that wants to join. I mean absolutely free. The point is dating simplified, with no barriers and free. Save the money you would spend on a dating service to do a background check on a potential date, as I won't require it.
Will I ever require it? Maybe sometime. But I will also allow someone convicted of a felony or arrested to explain the circumstances. And no, no violent felons or predatory felons will be allowed. Period.
The plan is to have all of the great features of True without the 'hidden agenda' or 'personal religious mission'.
Not advertising, just stating my viewpoint against both hidden agenda's and violent crimianls.
Thanks
drowninginjello (http://www.drowninginjello.com) on Oct 13 2005, 04:40pm Reply
I like most of your postings, but this is so far extremist it's not funny. I actually couldn't believe you posted this as a serious topic.
Internet safety is a very serious issue, but you just took the most alarmist view possible and ran with it till you ran out of facts to support your argument, with what looks like no first hand experience yourself.
You register domain names for online dating services don't you? You host their websites im sure.
Nate
Nate Alex on Oct 12 2005, 10:07pm Reply
What's really sad about this is that you covered a subject worthy of popular attention, but did it in almost the worst way possible. There are certainly dangers unique to the Internet — such as the appearance of emotional involvement when it may not actually exist — and your readers would have been better served had you dwelt more on these points.
Marnen Laibow-Koser (http://www.marnen.org) on Oct 16 2005, 12:32am Reply
Well, excuse me I must go put visqueen and duct tape on my door as I'm never leaving again... the world according to Bob Parsons is just too scarey for me!
Nunya Business (http://n/a) on Oct 12 2005, 09:17pm Reply
Actually the likelihood of meeting a psycho over the internet is much better than it is in person (so as not to confuse things I will point out....both mediums are in real life).
You do raise a good point. Not everyone is a psycho. However there's enough danger on the internet that it makes sense for one to be very careful indeed.
Appreciate your post,
Bob
bob parsons on Oct 12 2005, 10:47pm Reply
Good advice.
Unnecessary alarmism.
Terrible proposed legislation.
Bob, you said you've met exactly 3 women online. One can't get valid statistical data from a sampling of 3. I've met enough men online for a statistical sampling (over 100). My conclusion is that the Internet is a MUCH safer way to meet people, IF one practices safe surfing. I learned safe surfing back in 1996 from the plethora of sites already offering excellent advice on the topic. People who aren't concerned about safety may never google "safe internet dating," but the information is certainly out there, and has been for years.
I met my husband of 6 years on an internet dating site. I also had a bad experience, where I began dating a guy all my friends (online and in real life) said he's bad news, stay away from him...I ignored them and after dating and living together for 6 months he rearranged my face and strangled me. From that experience I learned to listen to my friends' advice. I could have met that guy in a bar as easily as online (except I stopped going to bars when I discovered the Internet).
It's been my experience that people I meet initially in person are more often dishonest than people who I meet initially online, particularly about physical attributes. In person, women might wear girdles, wigs or Wonderbras to enhance their appearance.
Men might wear hairpieces, stuff things in their pants,wear thick-soled shoes or wear shoulder pads to enhance their appearance. Online, people can describe themselves jokingly as a troll with breasts or a walking stick with hair, etc. Then later once two people have a rappor, and photos are exchanged, the reactions are generally quite positive.
I think this is so because so much rides on the initial first impression, which is mostly physical, when people meet in person. When people already know each other's personalities and then meet in person, it's just so much easier to be real.
Just be sure to let your friends check out your potential date before committing, and listen to their opinions!
If I told you I'd have to kill you (http://lol.net) on Dec 3 2005, 04:09am Reply
You said, "Actually the likelihood of meeting a psycho over the internet is much better than it is in person..."
I would be very interested in the statistics you're using to back up this statement. Could you post either the names of the articles (or papers) or the links to them?
Thanks,
Jean
Jean on Oct 13 2005, 09:21am Reply
No where in the article do I use the word Psycho.
In the article, I detail the reasons why I think that in-person meetings that result from internet meetings are more problematic.
Appreciate your post,
Bob
bob parsons on Oct 13 2005, 12:01pm Reply
Thanks,
Jean
Jean on Oct 13 2005, 04:05pm Reply
Another user pointed that out also. Here is my response to him...
The reason that it's easier to meet destructive personalities over the net as opposed to in person is because they can throw a much wider net in cyber space as opposed to the physical world. There's no question that you can meet knuckleheads in both places but the internet wins this contest hands down.
Sorry for the hassle,
Bob
bob parsons on Oct 13 2005, 05:59pm Reply
"Dear Nunya,
Actually the likelihood of meeting a psycho over the internet is much better than it is in person (so as not to confuse things I will point out....both mediums are in real life).
You do raise a good point. Not everyone is a psycho. However there's enough danger on the internet that it makes sense for one to be very careful indeed.
Appreciate your post,
Bob
#11.1 bob parsons on Oct 12 2005, 22:47 Reply"
So while you might not have used the word psycho in the original text, you DID make this statement in your original reply to this thread, then defended the challenge by denying you made the statement in the original text.
What gives? Do you have some sort of personal or emotional involvement with one of the victims you mention in your story? Because the normal Logical Bob Parsons we've all come to know and love seems to be AWOL right now. If you wanted to blame this post on hackers who hijacked your account, or an evil twin, I'd be willing to believe it, because this just does not sound like you.
I'd really like to know the back story. It might keep me from thinking you've lost it!
Jeff on Oct 13 2005, 01:58pm Reply
Ah....so that's where I mentioned the word Psycho! I did a text search on the article and couldn't find it. Now I can respond.
First of all I don't think I've lost it. However if you think I have you won't be the first. That said, I personally don't see how you can say that the net is not a dangerous place — it is.
The reason that it's easier to meet destructive personalities over the net as opposed to in person is because they can throw a much wider net in cyber space as opposed to the physical world. There's no question that you can meet knuckleheads in both places but the internet wins this contest hands down.
Appreciate your post,
Bob
bob parsons on Oct 13 2005, 05:55pm Reply
Some time ago, it was sugegsted that "Internet" should be capitalized, and you agreed. However, now you seem to prefer the lowercase "i" when using the word . . . I know it is a little "off topic", but do you consider it (Internet) to be a proper noun and then subject to being capitalized, or have you had a change of heart?
Armando Chilelli on Oct 12 2005, 08:38pm Reply
Now that you mention it, I think the word Internet should be capitalized. It is a proper noun. It definitely is a unique entity of a sort. It's kind of like the cyber world's equivalent of Earth.
From hereto forward, I'll make a better effort to be consistent and capitalize the word "Internet."
Appreciate your post,
Bob
bob parsons on Oct 12 2005, 10:44pm Reply
I think your post has a real "throw the baby out with the bathwater" tinge to it. You gave a dozen or so examples of internet hookups gone bad. I don't doubt that the 'Net was related to these tragic deaths, but I tend to put more faith in the idea that the people who died had an underdeveloped ability to sniff out dysfunction (although some predators do have an overdeveloped ability to seem "normal" during that all important first meeting).
Personally, the most frightening "relationship" I've ever had was with a young women I met at a college laundromat. She turned into a "Fatal Attraction" type stalker when I broke off the relationship after 4 weeks (by then I had a pretty good feel for her level of dysfunction)
On the flip side, in May I celebrate my third anniversary with my wife, who I met online through a pen-pal site, and after a while we moved into webcam discussions (since we were both wearing out our keyboards). She's smart, funny, beautiful, and I could not be happier.
The internet is a tool. If someone uses a tool properly, they get positive results. If the user is unable or unwilling to use the tool properly, the result can be less than desirable, even tragic. Don't blame the internet. Blame the people who misuse the tool.
Jeff on Oct 12 2005, 05:01pm Reply
It is important to be aware of risks and dangers that exist in society, but I think that of all people, you Bob, would understand that to hide away simply because there is a chance of something bad happening is usually worse than the bad thing happening (and that is usually fairly unlikely to begin with).
Look at it this way. What factors make the internet more dangerouse than face to face contact. Well, simply that you can't see the bad guys face and you can't hear his voice. That does make a difference, but how many people do you know that you could tell were "bad-guys" by how they looked or sounded? The people that can charm you online can do it in real life too. You aren't safe anywhere.
I think it is important to understand the risks of giving information online, and especially important to protect yourself. But, remember, bad things can happen whenever you do anything, and don't let the minority of bad things rule your decisions about doing good things.
PS love the blog!
Scott on Oct 12 2005, 04:58pm Reply
I certainly agree that it's not wise to post personal details of one's life where any website travelers can view them. On the other hand, however, don't isolate yourself from all online discussions - sometimes you meet your better half!
Mike on Oct 12 2005, 04:35pm Reply
I'm amazed at the amount of information people divulge about themselves online. This is not the early 90's anymore where internet access was limited. Nowadays every lunatic and psycho with access to the internet is out there surfing for profiles. Keep it discreet.
Just like real life you have to worry about the 1 or 2 wacko's. For example, you can cut people off on the freeway all day but only 1 or 2 will feel enough road-rage to follow you home. Same on the internet. Countless people can view your profiles but all it takes is 1 to become fixated on your wife, sister, daughter, mother, cousin, friend, etc.........and then you have problems.
So do as I do and take an alias.
Sincerely,
George Bush
p.s. Just don't make your alias too hard to believe ;D
West on Oct 12 2005, 04:09pm Reply
Ruby on Oct 12 2005, 03:01pm Reply
You blatently ignore, (as a prevoius poster mentioned) the fact that thousands of people each day do in fact meet people online, without dire consequences. In fact many of them go on to develop into lasting friendships.
The fact that people lie online is also a flimsy argument, people lie in the real world to. Just maybe not about the same things.
I wonder if Dennis Nader had any skulls laying aroung his house, or if Ted Bundy was into goth. Hmm...
Ruby on Oct 12 2005, 02:56pm Reply
(http://www.endvaw.org/resources/domestic_violence.php)
Je Sais on Oct 12 2005, 02:47pm Reply
I've run websites for almost ten years now, and the point of how safe you are online was driven home when a man drove up to my home one day because he found my information online (which is why I use Domains By Proxy!) and wanted to "talk" to me. We don't live in a major city. It wasn't easy to find the physical address, but he did. And it was scary to think anyone could have done it.
So my 'kids' (personal, and those I've taught over the years) are drilled in online safety, from virus protection to spam to personal information. DON'T send out your picture. DON'T say how old you are. DON'T set up phone calls or meetings. DO tell your parents when you meet someone new. PARENTS: DO monitor your children online! DO explain the hazards. DO stress communication within the family.
Bob, your topic is an extension of what happens when safety is ignored.
Funny thing is, I suspect this is a generational thing - we, um... 'elders' online [grin] have seen and/or experienced the issue first hand, while the younger generation(s), having grown up with the internet as a part of themselves, and simply don't perceive the danger.
Keep warning them.
In Agreement on Oct 12 2005, 02:41pm Reply
In Agreement brings up a valid point about the younger "digital Natives" and their ubiquitous use of the internet for online journaling such as live journal or the slightly more nefarious myspace. It is truly amazing what is being posted by children younger than 13. The surge in camera phones has contributed to another level of concern as well.
I am dedicated to the idea of training children in responsible use of the internet for productivity and research, but many parents (especially ones who don't blog, and leave children unsupervised on the internet) have no clue what their 13 yar old is posting on the internet.
The internet is a wonderful tool And needs to be an integral part of education and our youth, but as reiterated, those who grew up with the technology tend to be more trusting of the online environment, than those of us who have come to it as "digital immigrants".
George on Oct 21 2005, 07:50am Reply
I've done internet dating. I've met lots of lovely women, wound up seriously dating two (one of which I'm still with), and met a few weirdos along the way.
But you know what? I could have done that at local singles bars, too. A gal who meets a guy in a singles bar can't assume he is who he says he is, either; the locale of them first interacting (bar, internet, even a church) doesn't make a dang difference in the fact that there's some bad people out there.
The problem isn't really the internet. The problem is people don't use common sense- which most of your suggestions are. And there is definitely something to be said for having someone you trust personally vouch for someone.
But to slag on the net, or blame it for Taylor's murder, is just irresponsible and illogical.
Paul on Oct 12 2005, 02:06pm Reply
Personally, if I were single, I'd use a service like eHarmony as they are thorough and don't base things on looks alone. But one of the things I would require BEFORE going out on a lone date with someone, or giving them my home phone or address, etc... is a background check through a service that I picked out MYSELF. If they had nothing to hide, they'd be willing to do it - plain and simple, and I'd feel more secure about moving forward.
-Michelle
Michelle D. on Oct 13 2005, 06:06am Reply
While I cannot deny that there are instances where bad people take advantage of services like online dating website or chat rooms or online journals, I can deny that they are any more dangerous than meeting someone on a blind date set up by your mother, meeting someone in a bar you frequent, or meeting someone in a classroom at the school you attend.
Anytime anyone starts believing the world is filled only with reasonable and good people, they open themselves to unscrupulous characters. Now I'm not saying that bad things can happen to even the most studious. Bad things can and will happen to us all. But highlighting the .000001% of online encounters that went wrong doesn't mean that we should all boycott online chat rooms and dating services.
Throwing a personal spin on this, I have met dozens people over the internet and then in person over the last 10 years, none have committed any crimes you mentioned; my aunt met her current husband of 8 years (I think. Might be more) over an internet chatroom; my best friend met his current girlfriend over the internet. I could go on, citing a greater number of quality relationships for every horror story you've posted.
Ok, I think I should try to sum up my rambling here: Personal Information about yourself shouldn't be posted on the internet unchecked, but portraying the internet as a land of death and deception is just plain wrong.
Terry S
P.S. On a side note, I just purchased my first domain from you and went with a Website Tonight hosting package as well. Top notch stuff! Your tech support was HANDS DOWN the absolute best customer help line encounter I have ever had. Great stuff!
Terry S (http://TheShillitoEmpire.com) on Oct 12 2005, 02:04pm Reply
Terry S
Terry S on Oct 12 2005, 03:50pm Reply
I meet people at the store, parks, bars/clubs, and on the Internet. In each situation I can be deceived, stalked, attacked, or have harm intentionally brought upon me. You bring to light a few examples of "Internet Dating Horror Stories" - yet you fail to elaborate on the vast majority of horror stories that have nothing to do with the Internet. My cousin met a man at a hiking club and was assaulted and robbed by him on a hike she went on. Should hobbyist clubs be labeled dangerous and be avoided?
The reality is that anytime you decide to communicate with a stranger you are at risk. Meeting people on the Internet requires you to have a new set of guards up - but it is not inherently more dangerous as you have suggested.
Given the trends in technology, meeting people on the Internet is something that will become more and more common, like it or not. So I am not sure the stance "just don't do it" is very forward thinking.
David on Oct 12 2005, 02:00pm Reply
Your piece could perhaps be a bit less alarmist, and more useful. Perhaps you could have suggested that just like under any other circumstances, if you're meeting someone for the first time, make it a public place where you feel comfortable.
While this whole online dating thing might seem scary to someone of your generation, Bob, I can assure you that millions of people in their 20s, 30s and 40s are going out on dates every night with people they met on online dating sites. Of those, I would suspect that there are relatively few people who get unexpectedly axe-murdered.
And while art, skulls and goth music might not be my cup of tea, I think it's amusing that you highlight those characteristics as evidence of his disfunction. Personally, I'm extremely wary when I meet a grown man with an earring, but that's just me.
You must be joking on Oct 12 2005, 01:24pm Reply
Actually meeting in a public place really doesn't provide much in the way of protection. A scan of the examples I provide show that many of those murdered first met in public places. The Japanese couple met a racetrack and 40 minutes later the young woman was strangled to death.
The skulls and Goth stuff coupled with the child pornography and illegal firearms he was found to have in his possession are enough to suggest that this guy is bad news.
As for my earring — you may have a point.
Appreciate your post,
Bob
bob parsons on Oct 12 2005, 01:28pm Reply
I appreciate your care for the others who could come in harms way when it comes to internet dating and think that it is good for someone to finally put out the dangers of internet meeting.Although I may be somewhat hypocritical in the sense that I had met someone off of the internet and we were quite happy.He never tried to kill me.I now see the dangers of doing so and it won't happen again.I just thought you should know that someone is taking your words with care and concern.And as for "you must be joking..."What are you retarded?A public place is no safer than a private place.It is really not that hard to drug someone and then rape them in the back of your truck.It is not like I have tried or experience this infraction but I have heard of it happening.So next time you want to meet someone in public at a mcdonalds or someother place your stupid-ass cant afford, remember that you will most likely die.
-Greta Parkinsons
p.s. You must be joking really must be refering to oneself seeing as though when I read your comments i think you REALLY must be joking....or on drugs.
p.s.s. As for Bob Parsons...an earring on a grown man is hott...keep up the good work!
Greta Parkinsons (http://youdontevenknow.com) on Oct 28 2005, 08:40am Reply
My specific comment about the concept of meeting in a public place is to point out what should be obvious. It sort of reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where he says something to the effect of, "The key to reservations is HOLDING the reservation. Anyone can just take a reservation." In that vein, the key to meeting in a public place is REMAINING in a public place with this person you just freaking met for the first time. So-called "meeting in a public place" is unrelated to a person's choice to subsequently go somewhere private, such as a vehicle, a residence or a hotel room.
It pays to be vigilant. Knowledge is power. Most of those tried and true cautionary recommendations have merit.
I, myself, was the potential victim for a rapist, years before the Internet became popular.
I was invited to a gathering at an upscale nightspot, by a very slick conman. Being young, at the time, I followed my mother's prior advice and employed "the buddy system". My fabulous friend joined me, and we were introduced to at least six other men and women at this gathering.
The conman's gorgeous (model) wife was part of his con, too. She helped to reassure the young women being "groomed" by her husband, as he bought us food and drinks and complimented us ad nauseum.
Within short order, my friend and I both saw him for what he was. However, she and I were having an okay time with the others and wanted to enjoy ourselves just a bit longer. I just thought he was full of it, and never planned to talk to him again. Still, we employed my mother's other prior advice, and "never [left] [my] drink unattended". My friend and I took turns going to the washroom, for instance.
Upon leaving, he and his wife insisted on walking us the 6 or so blocks back to our condo. We discouraged them, but they followed. We had very tight security at our building, so we weren't overly concerned. We went to bed and never thought about it again...until...
One day, the police contacted us. They said they'd been watching the man and his wife because he was under suspicion of drugging and raping dozens of women. They had been at the nightspot and had followed us home that night, too. They found out who we were by contacting the concierge in our building. They wanted to know if we'd had any further contact with this man and "Had anything happened to us?"
So, while this wasn't one of the terrible Internet stories, it just shows that caution is prudent when dealing with strangers. No one should feel silly for being reasonably cautious, and encouraging caution shouldn't be berated. It's only when caution turns to hysteria and/or is not based on real-world probabilities that it becomes foolish.
I like you too on Oct 13 2005, 04:21pm Reply
Bill on Oct 12 2005, 02:49pm Reply
Nothing prejudicial about looking at what a person says/wears/acts like and making a quick judgement about it. The skulls and goth music is not normal. We all wear pants, but we don't all have goth music/art websites, get it?
If you are walking along and you see something that looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, there is probably a good chance that at some point you'll step in some duck shit.
Just the way things are.
~Chandler
Chandler on Oct 13 2005, 03:30am Reply
EVERY ONE of them is of a 18-25 year old something beautiful bikini model in a provocative pose. How many of those models are paying TRUE members?! On those grounds alone I'd advise staying away from them.
james (http://www.jameswasser.com) on Jan 14 2006, 10:34pm Reply